Wednesday, March 31, 2004

This is weird

i'm sure you may have heard of the girl in madison, wisconsin who was allegedly kidnapped by a man who had an 'implied' knife and abducted her.
Read this first to update yourself

now, don't you think this is just a bit weird?
they have video of her leaving her dorm in which she left with no coat (it's still chilly in wisconsin this time of year) and no purse in her possession but of her own free will.

just weird.
and someone spotted her in a swamp nearby campus days later, and she says she was abducted, yet they find no trace of the supposed assailant.
that's because it's doubtful there was an assailant.
come on, we're not stupid.
she was supposedly abducted several months ago but wasn't robbed or hurt in any way, which again is odd, especially in madison, a city with a very low rate of violent crimes.
i think she's just a bit fucked up in the head and that's pretty much it.
she's likely having some mental issues of some sort, i would guess.
you watch, america, you fucking watch.
i'll show you what it really means.

oh, before i forget... fuck george w. bush. pussy. he's a damn pussy.

oh. my. god.
if you're a bill o'reilly hater -- and really, who isn't? -- you gotta check out this site.
click here fuckstain
or
click here if you're lazy and just want to see the very funny t-shirts because you can't really read at all, you fuckstain/fuckwad/pusher of drugs/anal grabber of Satan/Joe Ricardo

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

succotash tuesday

what say you, little ones?
are you not men, are you devo?

are we not humans? we are not.
take it off. shake it off. break me off.
crack humor for the little ones is always a precious thing.

come on and take it off.
you know what to do.
you know what to say.
or be.
hee hee hee.
lee.
kee.

i'm so wrecked today. i need me a break. this schedule of late has been brutal.
i'm doin' it, mind you.
just long days, fo sure.
not a moment's rest, so they say.

ugh, and my roommate is playing super loud dance music at 10:48 p.m. and all i do is want to chill.
and i cannot.
damn.

but you know, these things can happen, as everyone knows.
puto.

Friday, March 26, 2004

The Passion of The Guardian

This is, without a doubt, one of the best film reviews I've read in a while.
Of course, it's from the UK. No American paper would ever run this and its potentially sacrilegious tone.
Click here, yo.
Today's latest story written by me

I know everyone is just dying to hear some new music shite from me, and it's coming...the FAB FIVE FRIDAY is coming!
but for now, you'll have to wait cuz i'm doing important work for our Lord, Don Knotts, for he is the one true God.
Aren't you glad you know this now?

also, take a gander at my latest opus. It's better than America.

Click Here

Thursday, March 25, 2004

GOP shuts down Democratic attempts to raise pay for soldiers

And here i thought Republicans adamantly support the troops.

this was lifted from The Hamster (see links to the left) but bears repeating:

From the CAP's Progress Report:
The Army Times reports the conservative-dominated House Budget Committee "was determined March 17 to just say no when Democrats offered a slew of ways to improve military pay and benefits by cutting tax breaks for the wealthy." Conservatives on the committee rejected a proposal that would have provided "$1 billion for expanding health-care benefits for reservists and their families; $1 billion to improve military housing; $350 million for targeted pay raises for enlisted members; $141 million in danger pay and family separation allowance increases; $50 million to improve family support programs for reservists; $14 million for public schools near military bases that teach many military dependents."

Thanks GOP!
Another successful hypocritical stance.
Well done.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

At the end of the day, at this moment in time, and with all due respect, these are, like, the worst cliches ever

read this for life, love and existential joy.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I went to Tahoe and you didn't


or maybe you did.
and i didn't see you.
i liked it.
i didn't see the fabled goat ghost though.
you know, from the Donner Party, the one the family ate.
(i love the fact that California has its own spooky legend - the Donner party rock).

did you know lake tahoe is 1600 feet deep.
it's also fucking gorgeous.
i am like john denver.
i love the rocky mountain high.
or at least, the mountain high part.
the rockies are in colorado.
and fuck colorado.
colorado sucks.

thanks for caring.
I'm lost


I think i'm a Fantasia fan.
And a LaToya fan.
gotta represent for oaktown.

all hope is now lost, you realize.

Friday, March 19, 2004

The King Is Dead

The MTV generation hangs its head in sadness today, with the death of original MTV VJ J.J. Jackson.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

it's been a tough year for girl Scouts

now guys are staging fake fights to rob the girls of their cookie money.
for shame



and how about lying Rusmfeld
This Video Rules!

Monday, March 15, 2004

eye on censorship

i'm so glad the bush administration is for free speech, democracy and the first amendment.

just only when it's favoring them.

don't believe me? read this.

crazy shit.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Saturday, March 13, 2004

how retarded am i??

pretty damn retarded, apparently. today, while at brolin's house visiting, i dropped my damn cellphone into the toilet. luckily it was pre-pee, but still. it was the goddamn toilet.
it doesn't seem to be working very well at the moment, though i have it plugged in to give it some juice love.

still bad.

first i hit xlr8r to scan through a bunch of records and cds to review in the 12-inch reviews. that took a good two hours. then it was on to the mission to pick up brolin, where the horrifying accident occurred.
then...it was on to upper haight for love, life liberty and pursuit of shooeiness.
and sexual attention.

no really, it was to hit amoeba to trade back some muzak for quick cash...didn't do that well at ol' amoeba this time around though. they were discriminating against me due to me having the gout, i believe it.
it's bullshit. they are so mean to me.
i will shoot them.
then i did on ward christian soliders and fucked around with pick up stix and then was on my merry way. you hate me when i'm angry. don't you?

shoot me, like the vietcong.
i am the vietcong.

you are the vietcong.
and this is my tet offensive.

so yeah...after the haight experience, which also included a stop-in with mr. johnny for love of the will, mind and body. that was a fine time had by many.
we walked and gawked some more at all the ugly ladies pushing us down and stripping down to their bare asses in front of us. they loved us and wanted to marry us. but we are straight, not sour, and it didn't last but a wrinkle in time.
damn you perriwinkle, i hate your juice berry jacket.

so then, ,fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you.
don't you like the unwarranted abuse?
i know i do.
like dishing the unwarranted abuse. to you and yours.
wow, what happened last night?
did i hit a tree or what?
juice.

ok...so then we left haight monstrosity and stopped off for a daycap at zeigeist, king of the beers and leader of mamman.
we met up with molly d and rosemary pepper for love, life, conversation and zany card tricks.
zeitgeist was packed and rightly so for being such a nice day.
damn.
it was gorgeous, more gorgeous than the pie sitting on grandma tilly's kitchen window overlooking the vast vista landscape in the middle of kansas.
more than that.
fudge is good.

so we stayed for two beverages.
and it was good.
the bbq was a-blazing.
the fire was ruthless and hard.

packed it was. grand mal seizure and shit.
damn.
so after that we skated outside for sun fun hon and buns and what do we see but a giant truck nail this guy on a motorcycle. it was like it happened in slow motion. trippy. the dude in the truck completely smashed the thing, knocked the guy forward and luckily the dude seemed ok. he was shaken up and pissed as fuck. i heard him say "you totaled my motorcycle!"
and it was totalled. the guy in the truck was kinda wimpy and apologizing profusely. it was obvious it was his fault. freaky for sure.
when somebody gets nailed it's a very sickly sound.
sound.

so yeah, that was a trip.
plenty of other people were witnesses besides us so we didn't feel compelled to stay. the guy seemed to be physically ok, so we moved on.
love.
sex.
passion.
chair.
mongoloid.
donald duck.
heiffer.
don't stop your mouth from probing the membrane of delivery.

so yeah...fuck.
then on the way back dropping off ol' brolin, we saw dudes getting cuffed, searched and destroyed by the local san francisco pd. love america, love law enforcement. we force you.

tonight i dj in berkeley. you know where it is. don't tell me not to.
i must go clean up the kitty litter that is nasty.
i do not want to.
but it is something i must do. or face the wrath of the wraith.
and nobody wants that.
screw milk.

pudgy push
i'm fat

dammit, it's true.
i'm a lard ass.
a whaler.
large marge.
huge.
pudgy.

or so that's what i'm told. see i did my BMI (body mass index) today and it turns out, i'm in the "overweight" category. not obese.
but still, overweight sucks.
i can't be overweight.
but i am.
for my size.
i'm the magnificent.

right.
sashe hey!
who can i call today to hang with me in the city?
butter cup butter cup catch my thigh.

you steenk

but you cannot deny the power of Screamin' Al. He'll knock your ass off with his amazing vocal strength.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

cavalcade of conundrums, caretakers come clean


the joy of today. whew. a special joy. that only kind of joy that really matters. where you grit your teeth, smiling furiously because you're so goddamn angry.
or at least, attempting to make the best of a bad situation.

today's joys had to do with things out of one's control.
90 minutes to drive 35 miles. yesterday, this same drive took 45 minutes.
at the same time.
today, twice that amount. and there wasn't even an ambulance.
not quite as abnormally hot as it has been all week but still quite sunny and warm.
see, i've got his new job thing that requires me to drive much longer distance than ever before.
well, not ever before, but in a long while.
and this job, well, it's for the greater good, indeed, but it's a big adjustment.
the drive takes its toll, no question.



you know what? DJ Swamp sucks.
his remix of meat beat manifesto's "storm the studio" just came on and it's a joke.
he's annoying. and reminds me of someone i used to work with too.



also, i busted ass this morning in an attempt to finish up a quick blurb about this guy luomo, who's really good, coming to detroit. but for some reason, the email didn't make it to unsaid person who was waiting for it. dunno why. the previous emails made it. but not that one.
and of course, being the dumbass that i sometimes am, i didn't bother to send it to another email account as a backup. bad move.
so that sucked.

and then there was the fact that i had to spend $10 for my stupidity in losing my damn work badge less than a week after starting. how does this happen?


tony soprano. it's nice to have you back.

learning new skills. formidable.

also, a good deal of humility to go along with that. humbling, goddamn.
but ok, we are.

fucking bastards won't get me down.

the people, they are ready for us.

tP
how dumb am i?


last night i was in a hurry to purchase some milk at the local grocery store and figured i'd get $20 in the cashback column while i was checking out.
the problem was that i was in such a hurry, i neglected to remember that i had $20 coming to me before running out the door and back home so i could catch the latest "Bill Maher" episode and then, the new "Sopranos" episode.
of course, i didn't realize my blunder until hours later, when i was taking back a DVD that i never watched. i gotta get on the Netflix train, i tell you.
but first i need a tv that works (i watched the shows on my roommate's tv, shhhh).

let's see, well then there's the idiocy of me losing my badge for my new job already and i've only been there a week. a new badge costs me $10. somewhere in the TL, there's a very happy new ebay employee.

and now i hear there's a problem with microwave popcorn!

i can't win!

Sunday, March 07, 2004



My Name is Adelpho

not really, but wouldn't that be cool if i was named adelpho?

I really do think it would be extra cool.

I've also learned that attempting to go to Peets in the morning before i drive off to San Jose to work is pretty much an impossibility. Why didn't i think of that before?


it's a rough situation. for sure.
people waiting in a long-ass line. it's bullshit.

this heater that's supposed to be working but doesn't also sucks.
I tell you, it's just not fair.

I met someone from Copenhagen the other night.
She told me a long and fairly detailed story concerning the fact that she's got a broken heart (awwwwwwww, right?)
what is it about my face that says "you can tell me a long detailed story, and i will listen."? not to say that i don't like it.
in fact, i rather do enjoy it.

but i sometimes wonder what it is about me, you know?
i have a caring look in mine eye?
maybe so.
or maybe it's my glowing aura, shining light on you from above.

enchanted. enchanting too, no?


so earlier this fine evening, ms. tina b and i traveled to a distant land called Alameda, a wondrous place overflowing with milk, honey and biscuits. we traveled this distance to visit an important place: the video store.
Video Maniacs to be precise.

And this fucker who works behind the counter is one of those classic video store clerks, the guys that know every single damn frame of every damn movie that's come out in the last 50 or so years. geeky surly fuck who gives you attitude if you don't have your card with you. or slams the cases down when he's a bit distressed.
or being tersely insistent that a woman break out her driver license because she "hadn't rented here in nearly three years and we have a policy."

I did manage to push him really hard.
in my head.
but seriously.

when i was sauntering my way up to the counter, after having been dissed severely by ms. b for even thinking of wanting to rent Nurse Betty (directed by Neil LaBute, you know, the prick with major relationship issues who made In The Company Of Men a few years back), this dude who i have run into a few times before randomly and he always creepily says hi, that i should hit him up for t-shirts or something and he taps my shoulder playfully and asks if i'm Sam Creek, following it up with "well, you could be his brother."
ok.
definitely a creep, this guy.
and i keep on running into him!
ugh. last few times on bart. and he's one of those people that looks at you a bit too long when he's talking to you, as if he's got some additional plans for you and he.
a maniacal sort of look, like Travis Bickle toward the end.

i wish this goddamn heater would turn on. it's still making that buzzing noise, three hours after i turned it on. i hate this place sometimes. enough with the cute little quirks of this place.
fuck quirks. i want things to work right, correctly. i want order, see?


oh! and not to forget how scary the Bush Administration is, here's some wonderful news about new and novel ways to suppress opposing viewpoints:
RNC�tells TV stations not to run anti-Bush ads -- GOP committee says MoveOn.org's spots are illegally financed

sleep tight tonight!
luckily, john ashcroft is safely tucked away in intensive care this evening after suffering from some gallstone issues with pancreatis.

so instead we've got to worry about the horror that is the Girl Scouts and their horrifying cookies of doom.

make love, not love.

and finally....

this week's hot new phrase:
"Spider Hole" - in reference to the term used to describe where Saddam Hussein was hiding out when the U.S. forces "captured" him in Iraq before Christmas. People now use it fairly regularly to refer to being caught in a quicksand-like state, drowning in our own murky haze and muck, and it being much worse than just some normal old hole in the ground.
Spider Hole makes it sound a lot more cool.

***

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Fab Five #19 - Triple-Double-Trouble Super Tuesday Edition

1. Zero 7 - When It Falls (Elektra, Released today)
The new album from Zero 7 is overflowing with heart-swelling warmth and uplifting emotion. Featuring all of the same vocalists from the first record, Simple Things, Zero 7 (Henry Binns & Sam Hardaker) didn't even try to change up the formula from their first one -- and I'm glad of that. Why change? Where would they go? The way Air went offtrack on their second record? No thanks. And yes, they do remind me a lot of Air, with the same analog synths and lush gentle strings coating your eardrums. I'm still not sure that there's a breakout track like "Destiny," though check out the best contenders, "Home" and "Somersault" by clicking here.


2. Lord Of The Rings' "Return Of The King" winning 11 Oscars
The geeks win for a change. Return Of The King definitely deserved it -- a breathtaking cinematic experience, in my opinion -- though obviously the awards were meant for all three films, essentially three parts of one gigantic movie. It was fun seeing all the D&D types up on the stage, looking all awkward and adjusting their glasses. Hell, even Sofia Coppola (who was awarded Best Screenplay almost as a consolation prize because there's no way she would have beaten LOTR's Peter Jackson) was obviously pained just to be up on stage at all. Sure, the show was pretty anticlimactic and I wish there would have been more political rants, dammit, but what can you do.


3. Noise Pop Festival
The 12th annual Noise Pop Festival was going on for much of last week, featuring something like 130 or more predominantly indie bands playing at several different participating venues in San Francisco. Basically, too many shows for one person to go to, but I managed to check out a few: the Unicorns Wednesday night (a lot of fun, very entertaining), the Aluminum Group Thursday night (subdued and sly, enjoyable), and the Decemberists and Earlimart Saturday (sort of indifferent to both bands, though the Decemberists made me feel like I was at Ye Olde Renaissance Faire). Regardless, the opportunity to see so much fresh, independent music in five days (and widespread support from music fans) is the true treasure here.


4. Voting in the Primary today
I believe it's every citizen's right and duty to vote whenever possible and so I'm looking forward to returning to the voting booth and casting my choices (on one of those cool touch screens, no less). I must admit, I'm really torn on several of the ballot measures and proposals this year, so I've spent a few hours poring over various voter guides online, and I still haven't made up my mind about everything. But I'm glad I have the right to make these sorts of decisions that affect myself and the community.


5. The Work of Director Michel Gondry DVD (Palm Pictures)
The highly imaginative French video director is featured in all his surreal glory on this double-sided DVD, including jaw-dropping vids for the White Stripes ("The Hardest Button To Button" clip so rules), Bjork (a big chunk of her stuff), Chemical Brothers, Cibo Matto (the bizarre "Sugar Water"), Massive Attack, Daft Punk's "Around the World," and that old-school one-hit wonder "Lucas With The Lid Off" (I always liked that bad song), among others. Gondry has a very unique style, totally fucking with your head but in a childlike manner.


BONUSES
My Friend Teddy's website Dogster being featured in the SF Chronicle yesterday.
Go Dogster! Here's the story
+2. The new kick-ass Apple store that opened up in downtown SF Saturday.
I'm excited.
+3. The words "Balderdash" and "Moribund"
People need to use them more often in everyday speech. And who doesn't want to exclaim "Balderdash!" to the idiot at the bar yammering on about Bush being a good president. "Bush's moribund presidential campaign is good news!" See how much fun that was.


BOO HISS
-1. Locking my keys in my car while in San Jose.
I have a spare key -- too bad it was in Oakland. And that AAA membership offer sitting on my desk? Well, this was one time when being a procrastinator doesn't help. So lame. I sucked.

-2. Spending way too much money to get my car fixed.
But the unfortunate reality is that I need my car to be in tip-top shape to drive to and from the new gig. Damn cars.

-3. The overuse of the word "Pragmatic."
Did you ever notice you often see politicians and journalists use the same words and phrases when popular? Pragmatic, which means "a straightforward practical way of thinking about things or dealing with problems, concerned with results rather than with theories and principles," is the hot new way of saying someone is cautious.


elevate not laminate,
timmmmiii