shaving in the morning reminds me of many things.
the smell reminds me of college for some reason. i guess that is a smell i associated with our dorm room shared bathroom suite, all those years ago.
ha!
it also reminds me of my dad, especially the stinky piss part.
interesting note that the parties i recently attended are based around what is being called a cult of some sorts.
my dj gig was sensational. i'm clearly having fun these days. loving loving loving. gonna work on the recording shit starting tonight. hungry hungry hippos.
i can also go through those ouchy recordings and make track marks.
yes'm.
and put those to cd.
clocken.
my glock is funny.
more weirdness as it develops.
at least the miners are safe. now i can rest easy.
Monday, July 29, 2002
Sunday, July 21, 2002
christ almighty, crazy night, crazy week, crazy shit period yo.
it's 12:07 in the p.m. on a nice sunny sunday and i'm tired as fuck.
of course, when you stay up extra late being bonkers out of your skull at the jane's addiction concert at the warfield, it's to be expected.
perry rolls out there with a huge felt hat with giant feather sticking out of the top.
what was the first song they sang? i forget.
ha
but they played all the hits...summertime rolls, pigs in zen, jane says (first encore ....awwww, isn't that suite?), Stop, Been Caught Stealing (did they play that?), Three Days was like the second or third song, they played a couple tracks i didn't know, though there was one from their first album.
god, what else?
it was fun. they were good.
one of the few times i pay for a concert.
ah well.
people were dying to get in. tons of people were out attempting to purchase tickets beforehand.
concert said it started at 9 p.m. but goddamn, jane's made sure everyone was good and fucked up and didn't go on till about midnight.
the pussycat dolls opened up.
earlier this week, last sunday i went to the warped tour at pier 30 and 32, though not till late in the day. last weekend was alone time tim. saturday i spent mostly by myself, though we did something that night that i'm not recalling at the present time.
sunday , warped at like 4 to 6 (ha) and then went up to mill valley to pick up tina from the art car thing.
that took fucking forever due to everyone deciding to head that way at the same time. of course, the baseball game may have had something to do with it too.
sucked though.
wednesday, i went to the ghostly international show at amnesia. before that i went to Le Colonial for Nicholas Macias' 21st birthday with the ad agency gang. those freaks. ol doc penman was there to serve up the goods, many free drinks and many thanks go out to ODP.
that was fun, seeing the old peeps (which reminds me i have to get my check from nannette. i fucking need that shit).
i also neeed to buy shaving cream for the last week as well as a no parking sign.
ghostly international was a blast. cool cool cool. seeing all the ghostly folks, mosi, dillard, and some of the xlr8r crew like jane, melanie and emily. all good people.
yah.
the weekend prior..oh yeah...friday night, july 12, i went to dadafest in SF. ouchy and the clown posse were there, kicking it live. i was a bit disappointed overall with the shenanigans. don't know what i expected but it wasn't that. kinda lame actually.
however, first time i've ever seen two crazy fucking things and it had to do with the faux rats. dammit. first, one got a big metal sheath stuck down his urethra, i.e where the urine and semen seep out. oh god, every guy in the audience wanted to cry. second, was the rat girl during the break getting fucked by a dildo that was moving up and down thanks to a dude on a connecting bike that made the dildo go up and down. so this girl's completely naked in front of a fairly large crowd (50) with a dick riding up her with a rat nose on her face.
nice. only in san francisco.
ouchy and the gang were heroined out clowns.
much of the show was gross and unfunny though.
thumbs down
thumbs up for shock value.
saturday was funny july 13 because we went to bruce's friends up in berkeley hills (very nice people, amazing view) for a cocktail, then over to bruce's mom's for some birthday dinner (bruce's 40th...which is nuts). bruce's mom is awesome. we cooked up big thick juicy steaks, lobster (well, i watched them eat lobster), shrimp, and much more for you. a very offbeat evening but quite enjoyable. good conversation.
i learned a lot more about bruce after seeing his mom.
they don't really look that much alike though.
then, after leaving there, we picked up monique and went to go see "polyester" in SF. that was a blast. mink stole, one of the women in many john waters films, was there.
of course, i was a bit appalled by what we've come to determine was the SPNG (self pleasuring naked guy), Stroking Naked Guy (SNG) and others. the guy next to me was totally naked except for socks and shoes and kept stroking himself the whole night.
i'm like "what the fuck" dude. luckily i had some bottled up gas that was ready to vacate so i bombed him a few times and made sure to point my stinky ass toward him.
ha.
he probably got up five times during the movie (and none were immediately after i farted, so you can't blame me for the hasty exits, ass fucker). one of his gayboy pals came by to offer some stroking help to SNG but that was about it. fucking rude dude. be nude, fine, but don't jack off next to me.
ass.
the movie was fun too, with the whole odorama scheme. it sort of worked.
more a novelty thing i believe.
anyway....
my week at work was filled with fun-filled adventures. new job is going well...still learning the ropes and figuring out where i stand and shit though.
need to prioritize my time a bit better, which, frankly is the story of my life.
no?
yeah
anyway, i spent too much time on these fucking horoscopes the other day and mosi on friday (in a very good long conversation) set me straight a bit by giving me some advice on it...which was cool. letting some things go and stop feeling the need to do everything. i don't have to do that.
friday was i was supposed to hit tim love lee and then galaxy but didn't. as it turned out, i heard not many people were there. people are staying in a bit more...and/or they're spreading themselves thin a bit by having so much going on.
last night Dego from 4 Hero was at The Top, which would have been cool if not for janes.
friday night ended up being instant message mania, first with AD, then with mikey. keerazy fun time.
now i remember why i stopped using IM all the time.
too addictive.
was up till past 3 as it was.
then yesterday got up to go to jonah sharp's house, located in the southern end of SF, in a nice quiet residential area (for SF). he had a cool backyard.
spent the whole day (well, till 5 p.m.) at jonah's which was cool. he played me some cuts from his new album, which sounds really cool. and we just talked about all kinds of stuff. he showed me that new software too, which i cant' recall the name right now, but it was made by the guy behind monolake.
it was really easy to use.
i need to get it. apparently, it's only $200.,
i had to take tina the airport on thursday night after her grandmother died that day. sad.
apparently something happened last night where they were handcuffed by fort wayne police but i don't know the story yet. this was via a message on my cell.
last night was wacky because this dude, jason black and his beligerent girlfriend Kelly came with, along with another girl whose name i forget.
friends of andrew's (chairman lau).
kelly was a laughriot...so much like a guy, it was scary. she's a lot of fun.
i want to hang with her again for sure.
the other dude used to be managing editor at Imagine Media, at Revolution Magazine, and worked with johnny newlin, by EIC at the wave.
they did the story on the naked chef in the current issue of The Wave.
the wave is taking off yo. kick ass and we rule too.
god, kelly was so fun.
kara was there too.
andrew, kara and i all shared pills. whooo, we were fucked.
the burlesque show featured carmen elektra, who apparently goes out with dave navarro.
yep.
then we stayed super late because they kept the warfield open till 4 a.m. for a dance party. it was fun and we rocked it for awhile. you could tell some of the guys there were a little lost on the whole techno dance thing.
but hey, what can youdo.
it was cool.
saw miranda there too, she's looking good.
also, saw supergigi, which was neato. she was playing some character taking pictures.
me, wearing my stylish red pants, yellow/red shirt, red/yellow shoes and yellow jacket, caught her attention quite quickly, thank you.
shuzzy.
listening to this mixmaster morris, jonah sharp collaboration from 98 they did in japan with the dude from the yellow magic orchestra. jonah burned it for me. it's out of print. he also gave me two other older cds. which was nice of him as well. punjab.
oh man, i need to get my work done.
as usual, right?
but i'm there. i'm getting there.
rock on.
just got up to interview ll cool j. it was ok. nothing special.
i didn't come.
ok, i'm doin it and doin it and doin it well.
pee on your back son.
love and poon.
tp
p.s. princess leia is a bitch.
it's 12:07 in the p.m. on a nice sunny sunday and i'm tired as fuck.
of course, when you stay up extra late being bonkers out of your skull at the jane's addiction concert at the warfield, it's to be expected.
perry rolls out there with a huge felt hat with giant feather sticking out of the top.
what was the first song they sang? i forget.
ha
but they played all the hits...summertime rolls, pigs in zen, jane says (first encore ....awwww, isn't that suite?), Stop, Been Caught Stealing (did they play that?), Three Days was like the second or third song, they played a couple tracks i didn't know, though there was one from their first album.
god, what else?
it was fun. they were good.
one of the few times i pay for a concert.
ah well.
people were dying to get in. tons of people were out attempting to purchase tickets beforehand.
concert said it started at 9 p.m. but goddamn, jane's made sure everyone was good and fucked up and didn't go on till about midnight.
the pussycat dolls opened up.
earlier this week, last sunday i went to the warped tour at pier 30 and 32, though not till late in the day. last weekend was alone time tim. saturday i spent mostly by myself, though we did something that night that i'm not recalling at the present time.
sunday , warped at like 4 to 6 (ha) and then went up to mill valley to pick up tina from the art car thing.
that took fucking forever due to everyone deciding to head that way at the same time. of course, the baseball game may have had something to do with it too.
sucked though.
wednesday, i went to the ghostly international show at amnesia. before that i went to Le Colonial for Nicholas Macias' 21st birthday with the ad agency gang. those freaks. ol doc penman was there to serve up the goods, many free drinks and many thanks go out to ODP.
that was fun, seeing the old peeps (which reminds me i have to get my check from nannette. i fucking need that shit).
i also neeed to buy shaving cream for the last week as well as a no parking sign.
ghostly international was a blast. cool cool cool. seeing all the ghostly folks, mosi, dillard, and some of the xlr8r crew like jane, melanie and emily. all good people.
yah.
the weekend prior..oh yeah...friday night, july 12, i went to dadafest in SF. ouchy and the clown posse were there, kicking it live. i was a bit disappointed overall with the shenanigans. don't know what i expected but it wasn't that. kinda lame actually.
however, first time i've ever seen two crazy fucking things and it had to do with the faux rats. dammit. first, one got a big metal sheath stuck down his urethra, i.e where the urine and semen seep out. oh god, every guy in the audience wanted to cry. second, was the rat girl during the break getting fucked by a dildo that was moving up and down thanks to a dude on a connecting bike that made the dildo go up and down. so this girl's completely naked in front of a fairly large crowd (50) with a dick riding up her with a rat nose on her face.
nice. only in san francisco.
ouchy and the gang were heroined out clowns.
much of the show was gross and unfunny though.
thumbs down
thumbs up for shock value.
saturday was funny july 13 because we went to bruce's friends up in berkeley hills (very nice people, amazing view) for a cocktail, then over to bruce's mom's for some birthday dinner (bruce's 40th...which is nuts). bruce's mom is awesome. we cooked up big thick juicy steaks, lobster (well, i watched them eat lobster), shrimp, and much more for you. a very offbeat evening but quite enjoyable. good conversation.
i learned a lot more about bruce after seeing his mom.
they don't really look that much alike though.
then, after leaving there, we picked up monique and went to go see "polyester" in SF. that was a blast. mink stole, one of the women in many john waters films, was there.
of course, i was a bit appalled by what we've come to determine was the SPNG (self pleasuring naked guy), Stroking Naked Guy (SNG) and others. the guy next to me was totally naked except for socks and shoes and kept stroking himself the whole night.
i'm like "what the fuck" dude. luckily i had some bottled up gas that was ready to vacate so i bombed him a few times and made sure to point my stinky ass toward him.
ha.
he probably got up five times during the movie (and none were immediately after i farted, so you can't blame me for the hasty exits, ass fucker). one of his gayboy pals came by to offer some stroking help to SNG but that was about it. fucking rude dude. be nude, fine, but don't jack off next to me.
ass.
the movie was fun too, with the whole odorama scheme. it sort of worked.
more a novelty thing i believe.
anyway....
my week at work was filled with fun-filled adventures. new job is going well...still learning the ropes and figuring out where i stand and shit though.
need to prioritize my time a bit better, which, frankly is the story of my life.
no?
yeah
anyway, i spent too much time on these fucking horoscopes the other day and mosi on friday (in a very good long conversation) set me straight a bit by giving me some advice on it...which was cool. letting some things go and stop feeling the need to do everything. i don't have to do that.
friday was i was supposed to hit tim love lee and then galaxy but didn't. as it turned out, i heard not many people were there. people are staying in a bit more...and/or they're spreading themselves thin a bit by having so much going on.
last night Dego from 4 Hero was at The Top, which would have been cool if not for janes.
friday night ended up being instant message mania, first with AD, then with mikey. keerazy fun time.
now i remember why i stopped using IM all the time.
too addictive.
was up till past 3 as it was.
then yesterday got up to go to jonah sharp's house, located in the southern end of SF, in a nice quiet residential area (for SF). he had a cool backyard.
spent the whole day (well, till 5 p.m.) at jonah's which was cool. he played me some cuts from his new album, which sounds really cool. and we just talked about all kinds of stuff. he showed me that new software too, which i cant' recall the name right now, but it was made by the guy behind monolake.
it was really easy to use.
i need to get it. apparently, it's only $200.,
i had to take tina the airport on thursday night after her grandmother died that day. sad.
apparently something happened last night where they were handcuffed by fort wayne police but i don't know the story yet. this was via a message on my cell.
last night was wacky because this dude, jason black and his beligerent girlfriend Kelly came with, along with another girl whose name i forget.
friends of andrew's (chairman lau).
kelly was a laughriot...so much like a guy, it was scary. she's a lot of fun.
i want to hang with her again for sure.
the other dude used to be managing editor at Imagine Media, at Revolution Magazine, and worked with johnny newlin, by EIC at the wave.
they did the story on the naked chef in the current issue of The Wave.
the wave is taking off yo. kick ass and we rule too.
god, kelly was so fun.
kara was there too.
andrew, kara and i all shared pills. whooo, we were fucked.
the burlesque show featured carmen elektra, who apparently goes out with dave navarro.
yep.
then we stayed super late because they kept the warfield open till 4 a.m. for a dance party. it was fun and we rocked it for awhile. you could tell some of the guys there were a little lost on the whole techno dance thing.
but hey, what can youdo.
it was cool.
saw miranda there too, she's looking good.
also, saw supergigi, which was neato. she was playing some character taking pictures.
me, wearing my stylish red pants, yellow/red shirt, red/yellow shoes and yellow jacket, caught her attention quite quickly, thank you.
shuzzy.
listening to this mixmaster morris, jonah sharp collaboration from 98 they did in japan with the dude from the yellow magic orchestra. jonah burned it for me. it's out of print. he also gave me two other older cds. which was nice of him as well. punjab.
oh man, i need to get my work done.
as usual, right?
but i'm there. i'm getting there.
rock on.
just got up to interview ll cool j. it was ok. nothing special.
i didn't come.
ok, i'm doin it and doin it and doin it well.
pee on your back son.
love and poon.
tp
p.s. princess leia is a bitch.
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
being slightly frightened of rugburns the clown
realizing people were afraid/loved helgabunny
helgabunny won
naked girl being shackled onto ouchy's cross and seeing her super red bare butt get spanked
poop is the new brown
crack is the new black
nurse rules the world. period.
dougedoug wearing kids pants on his head
Safety Third!!
(no first rule, fun is second)
A mime tastes like a bad salad
everybody wang chung tonight
realizing people were afraid/loved helgabunny
helgabunny won
naked girl being shackled onto ouchy's cross and seeing her super red bare butt get spanked
poop is the new brown
crack is the new black
nurse rules the world. period.
dougedoug wearing kids pants on his head
Safety Third!!
(no first rule, fun is second)
A mime tastes like a bad salad
everybody wang chung tonight
one of many fave moments in the desert last weekend
hearing Boards of Canada's "1969" Sunday morning not long after sunrise.
we MUST crank this at BM.
it's sooooooooooooooo suited for the desert, it's scary.
i'm listening to it right now.
driving across the playa at 110 mph was pretty fun too. scary but fun.
the playa was harder and less cracked than BRC. hardly any dust like last year at BM.
no need for masks ever.
i feel so much more prepared after going to this.
Sunday morning seeing small cracks of light on the horizon a full two hours before the sun actually rose from behind the mountains.
moving from a hardcore wacky acid buzz to a smoooooooooooooth as silk E buzz....the ONLY way to round out an acid trip.
fuck yeh.
hearing Boards of Canada's "1969" Sunday morning not long after sunrise.
we MUST crank this at BM.
it's sooooooooooooooo suited for the desert, it's scary.
i'm listening to it right now.
driving across the playa at 110 mph was pretty fun too. scary but fun.
the playa was harder and less cracked than BRC. hardly any dust like last year at BM.
no need for masks ever.
i feel so much more prepared after going to this.
Sunday morning seeing small cracks of light on the horizon a full two hours before the sun actually rose from behind the mountains.
moving from a hardcore wacky acid buzz to a smoooooooooooooth as silk E buzz....the ONLY way to round out an acid trip.
fuck yeh.
i've gotten a lot of cds lately but only some that are all that good or noteworthy.
here's a quick rundown:
the new underworld (coming out sept/oct) is kinda lame, sorry to say.
got the new squarepusher but haven't listened to it.
new thievery corporation is just ok.
this group Les Hommes is really good loungey stuff
new john digweed is BORING
miguel migs "colorful you" (production debut) is what you'd expect from him, which isn't bad...very nakedmusic sounding
2 by orbital, "back to mine" and "work" (best of) are decent, though i have everything on Work, so kind of pointless.
joe claussell is decent, not great - could have been consolidated to one cd
king britt presents philadelphia experiment - pretty good, jazzy stuff, but not amazing
technova - "dirty secrets" --- really good electro and tech pop
new nightmares on wax "mind elevation" (out in oct) - really good, i like
new boy george mix - surprisingly pretty good upbeat mix, better than expected
"4am sound of tech house" - mediocre mix by no-name dj
minus 8 - "minuit" ---- really cool nu-jazz broken beat
playgroup dj kicks ---- eh,,,ok electro and old school synth pop
starecase - "first floor" --- decent trippy vocal-oriented pop prog house, though the second half really falls off. similar to Hybrid
Satoshi Tomiee - Nubreed ---- pretty good GU mix, though as usual, 2 CDs not really necessary
OM 100 --- comes out early August ----- Solid mixture of material, though some is REALLY good and some is REALLY lame, standard for OM stuff
Miguel Graca "Monkey Mass" --- decent tribal house
Scion "arrange and process basic channel tracks" ---- impressive minimal and abstract techno, excellent mix
here's a quick rundown:
the new underworld (coming out sept/oct) is kinda lame, sorry to say.
got the new squarepusher but haven't listened to it.
new thievery corporation is just ok.
this group Les Hommes is really good loungey stuff
new john digweed is BORING
miguel migs "colorful you" (production debut) is what you'd expect from him, which isn't bad...very nakedmusic sounding
2 by orbital, "back to mine" and "work" (best of) are decent, though i have everything on Work, so kind of pointless.
joe claussell is decent, not great - could have been consolidated to one cd
king britt presents philadelphia experiment - pretty good, jazzy stuff, but not amazing
technova - "dirty secrets" --- really good electro and tech pop
new nightmares on wax "mind elevation" (out in oct) - really good, i like
new boy george mix - surprisingly pretty good upbeat mix, better than expected
"4am sound of tech house" - mediocre mix by no-name dj
minus 8 - "minuit" ---- really cool nu-jazz broken beat
playgroup dj kicks ---- eh,,,ok electro and old school synth pop
starecase - "first floor" --- decent trippy vocal-oriented pop prog house, though the second half really falls off. similar to Hybrid
Satoshi Tomiee - Nubreed ---- pretty good GU mix, though as usual, 2 CDs not really necessary
OM 100 --- comes out early August ----- Solid mixture of material, though some is REALLY good and some is REALLY lame, standard for OM stuff
Miguel Graca "Monkey Mass" --- decent tribal house
Scion "arrange and process basic channel tracks" ---- impressive minimal and abstract techno, excellent mix
Monday, July 08, 2002
The following is an essay written by a friend of mine, Steven Ra$pa, reflecting on Independence Day, America and our freedoms.
Though it's a few days past the 4th, the ideas and thoughts provoked by this essay are strong enough that i feel like it merits being displayed here as well.
I just returned from an amazing weekend deep in the Nevada Desert on a thing called New Moonie excursion.
About 150 people got together in the desert and shared craziness, freakishness and a whole lot of other stuff both physically (!!) and mentally (!!!). It was quite a time....seeing people on their various edges, tossing sanity to the wind.
and the hot springs, ahhhh, the hot springs. amazing as well.
all in all, YES!! i feel wonderful..
ok...more on that later.
here's steven's wonderful words:
Independence, Tyranny, Pride, Walls and Cake!
I had hoped to go to the Black Rock Desert this weekend, make art and camp with friends, but decided it more prudent to stay home and spend the weekend looking for work, paying bills, doing taxes (I'm sure the government will find this very patriotic!), looking for a less expensive apartment (that does not have a construction site across the street), and making time to reflect a bit on life. Except for the last, these are not things I
Relish doing. No. So I am thinking, and today I am thinking especially about the nature of independence and pride.
No one is completely independent. No one is completely free from tyranny. And yet artists and freethinkers--oh yes, and quite often the insane�seem to come closest to living independently. Artists and freethinkers live beyond national, even personal, boundaries; they question the things they love in order to love them anew and more intensely; they open themselves to new and frightening experiences; they do things that make no sense at all and they do not confine themselves or restrict others by erecting walls in order to preserve what they love. Rather, they are in the business of removing walls. To me this makes extaordinary sense. Walls that are created with pride, walls that are created to keep others out, walls that creep up to preserve what we love most--become prisons. Walls are ultimately self-defeating. I have rallied around "radical inclusiveness" (a fundamental aspect of Burning Man, which is a natural compliment to my theory of MEW--and no, I shall not discuss that here; it's far too simple, which makes it extremely dangerous!) as an idea because inclusion is NOT about walls. Neither is independence. And both are a challenge to uphold.
Pride, my dear friend and enemy, Pride! Tyranny is often born of pride; and yet it is natural to celebrate what we share and hold dear. It is also natural to feel good about our lives and what we have created for ourselves.
Pride is a birthday cake with candles; and it is also a stick of dynamite. I often laugh with and at it, if you know what I mean. With their need to feel special--and their resulting pride -- people have created terrible blind spots and done small-minded, short-sighted and hateful things to one another.
Idiots and morons! And yet "THEY" are "US." And here I am today in America, living a charmed life, having tasted liberty in doses that defy politics, nationality, good sense and at times even imagination itself. And I am proud! Or at least grateful--even as I am concerned about reductions in civil liberties thought necessary to make this country "safer" and to preserve our freedoms. I won't get into it; you know what is going on � and for perfectly good reasons. But is that independence? Is it freedom? I am as proud as I am not -- of myself and of this country. We can always do better and must always try.
I believe the path to true independence is to humbly open oneself to the world again and again; to question and challenge our fears, even the things we hold dear; to make ourselves vulnerable and to offer greater freedoms to others than we can even offer ourselves at times. And yet freedom, too, is a burden and creates its own kind of tyranny. The price of information and experience is often the cost of understanding the impact each of us has on our communities and the world...the cost of knowing better and knowing that you do not know better. There are no absolutes, no best way to do anything,
no best place or thing to be. And yet we must do what we can and live our values. Yes,
yes independence creates its own burdens and challenges. Even the word begs the question, "Independence from what?" It's an old story and the construct itself has walls worth knocking down, even as we embrace it. As it has been said many times before, �May we never be free from freedom!�
Well, may we, as artists, free-thinkers -- and perhaps, the criminally insane -- never be independent of Independence Day; may we make it our own, wherever we spend it. May we be Americans on our own terms...and may we also be citizens of the world without the blinders of national pride. May we always live life fully and work steadily to disperse the tyranny of ages -- within and around us. And may we always keep our eyes on the
Birthday cake, even as we are delighted by the candles and thoroughly enjoying the taste of every preposterous bite!
I HOPE-WISH-PRAY-DREAM (and pledge allegiance to the United States of
Humanity etc and so forth!) that this 4th of July finds you creatively celebrating your own independence -- in the very best ways you can muster! (Or is that mustard?)
With Love, Light and a Hearty Ka-BOOM!
- $teven Ra$pa
"During a carnival men put masks over their masks." - Xavier Forneret, 1838
Though it's a few days past the 4th, the ideas and thoughts provoked by this essay are strong enough that i feel like it merits being displayed here as well.
I just returned from an amazing weekend deep in the Nevada Desert on a thing called New Moonie excursion.
About 150 people got together in the desert and shared craziness, freakishness and a whole lot of other stuff both physically (!!) and mentally (!!!). It was quite a time....seeing people on their various edges, tossing sanity to the wind.
and the hot springs, ahhhh, the hot springs. amazing as well.
all in all, YES!! i feel wonderful..
ok...more on that later.
here's steven's wonderful words:
Independence, Tyranny, Pride, Walls and Cake!
I had hoped to go to the Black Rock Desert this weekend, make art and camp with friends, but decided it more prudent to stay home and spend the weekend looking for work, paying bills, doing taxes (I'm sure the government will find this very patriotic!), looking for a less expensive apartment (that does not have a construction site across the street), and making time to reflect a bit on life. Except for the last, these are not things I
Relish doing. No. So I am thinking, and today I am thinking especially about the nature of independence and pride.
No one is completely independent. No one is completely free from tyranny. And yet artists and freethinkers--oh yes, and quite often the insane�seem to come closest to living independently. Artists and freethinkers live beyond national, even personal, boundaries; they question the things they love in order to love them anew and more intensely; they open themselves to new and frightening experiences; they do things that make no sense at all and they do not confine themselves or restrict others by erecting walls in order to preserve what they love. Rather, they are in the business of removing walls. To me this makes extaordinary sense. Walls that are created with pride, walls that are created to keep others out, walls that creep up to preserve what we love most--become prisons. Walls are ultimately self-defeating. I have rallied around "radical inclusiveness" (a fundamental aspect of Burning Man, which is a natural compliment to my theory of MEW--and no, I shall not discuss that here; it's far too simple, which makes it extremely dangerous!) as an idea because inclusion is NOT about walls. Neither is independence. And both are a challenge to uphold.
Pride, my dear friend and enemy, Pride! Tyranny is often born of pride; and yet it is natural to celebrate what we share and hold dear. It is also natural to feel good about our lives and what we have created for ourselves.
Pride is a birthday cake with candles; and it is also a stick of dynamite. I often laugh with and at it, if you know what I mean. With their need to feel special--and their resulting pride -- people have created terrible blind spots and done small-minded, short-sighted and hateful things to one another.
Idiots and morons! And yet "THEY" are "US." And here I am today in America, living a charmed life, having tasted liberty in doses that defy politics, nationality, good sense and at times even imagination itself. And I am proud! Or at least grateful--even as I am concerned about reductions in civil liberties thought necessary to make this country "safer" and to preserve our freedoms. I won't get into it; you know what is going on � and for perfectly good reasons. But is that independence? Is it freedom? I am as proud as I am not -- of myself and of this country. We can always do better and must always try.
I believe the path to true independence is to humbly open oneself to the world again and again; to question and challenge our fears, even the things we hold dear; to make ourselves vulnerable and to offer greater freedoms to others than we can even offer ourselves at times. And yet freedom, too, is a burden and creates its own kind of tyranny. The price of information and experience is often the cost of understanding the impact each of us has on our communities and the world...the cost of knowing better and knowing that you do not know better. There are no absolutes, no best way to do anything,
no best place or thing to be. And yet we must do what we can and live our values. Yes,
yes independence creates its own burdens and challenges. Even the word begs the question, "Independence from what?" It's an old story and the construct itself has walls worth knocking down, even as we embrace it. As it has been said many times before, �May we never be free from freedom!�
Well, may we, as artists, free-thinkers -- and perhaps, the criminally insane -- never be independent of Independence Day; may we make it our own, wherever we spend it. May we be Americans on our own terms...and may we also be citizens of the world without the blinders of national pride. May we always live life fully and work steadily to disperse the tyranny of ages -- within and around us. And may we always keep our eyes on the
Birthday cake, even as we are delighted by the candles and thoroughly enjoying the taste of every preposterous bite!
I HOPE-WISH-PRAY-DREAM (and pledge allegiance to the United States of
Humanity etc and so forth!) that this 4th of July finds you creatively celebrating your own independence -- in the very best ways you can muster! (Or is that mustard?)
With Love, Light and a Hearty Ka-BOOM!
- $teven Ra$pa
"During a carnival men put masks over their masks." - Xavier Forneret, 1838
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