Saturday, February 28, 2004

Remember This Guy?

He's Dead

He was a fine old gentleman. He was in many shows and films.
He was Jerry Seinfeld's original father in the first season of the show.

And would you like fries with that?

For all you people that like to grab a #1 Value Meal at McDonald's after an evening at the bar, it would be wise to take pause. And consider your other options, or take a chance on enjoying a bloody Band-Aid in your delicious fries.

People are getting larger

it's true. A new U.S. Body Survey tells the full story.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Just So We're Clear...

OK, so in our culture, it's fine to take young children to see what is being billed as a "bloodbath" and "extremely brutal" film, as long as it's about the death of a religious figure, Jesus; but it's not at all OK for an impressionable child to see an uncovered breast for about 1 second on national TV during a not-exactly nonviolent sports event.

The same culture in which we attempt to sugarcoat things like 10,600 children being sexually abused by priests in the last 50 years (and you know that's a low number) but act like we really do care about the children by criticizing easy targets like "the media" and "television" for destroying their moral fabric or say that gays are threatening the sanctity of marriage, whatever the fuck that means.

A society that (rightfully) expresses shock and horror after a teen parent beats his 2-year-old child to death for playing with his PlayStation 2 game. (--- I think it's high time we start requiring people to pass a test before they're allowed to become parents. But oh no! all life is precious, remember? i saw a bumper sticker today that summed it up well: "Remember, you're unique - Just like everybody else") ---- But the thing is, many of the same conservatives who express outrage at the child's death would be the first to condemn abortion as murder, the first to say that poor people are just lazy and don't need more funding for schools or education because they're taking advantage of the government. Hmmm, maybe this couple should not have been allowed to become parents. See, conservatives don't like to deal with babies once they're born. Then, it's in God's hands. The unborn are so much more important because they're cute, in a cellular amoeba-sort of way, and they have yet to sin, so that makes them pure! They're not part of Satan's minions yet and Christians see it as yet another soul to be saved. Whoo hoo!
See how this all comes together?

OK, I'm glad to know we've figured out some of these things today.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Noise Pop ruminations
The Passion of the Indie Kids' Christ

I've seen former Sierra Club Prez Adam Werbach two consecutive nights, first at the Noise Pop Opening Party at Thee Parkside, toting his young child with him, much like several other Noise Popians Tuesday. All the baby mania prompted one girl to exclaim, "It must be 'Bring your Baby, Get a discount on your drink" Night."
In fact, it was.

Anyway, Mr. Werbach was also at the Unicorns last night, at GAMH. I saw him only for a second. But (full disclosure) I did interview him in 1996 or 1997, when i was working at the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette.

The Unicorns were a whole lot of fun, very lovable and highly entertaining. I haven't laughed that much at a show in a while. They definitely provoke a reaction out of people, as they stop and start and falter on the stage, occasionally bothering to actually play songs for the people.
Some people were annoyed at their pokiness but i loved them all the more for it.

We spotted American Music Club's Mark Eitzel and cohorts out at the Opening Party as well. It seemed like there were a lot of people "in the know" at the Tuesday event. Kinda uppity. the unicorns was a little less of that. definitely a pretty young crowd too.

Leave your potatoes with the attendant.

I also could swear i spotted author and SF Gate's political columnist Stephen Elliott at the Unicorns last night. Or at least, someone that looked like him. And according to his campaign blog, he's in California now. I'm a new convert to Mr. Elliott, who also writes a hilarious column, The Poker Report, for McSweeney's.
It certainly looked like him anyway.
Good times, good times.

I start my new job tomorrow.
i am happy i got a day off today.
due to important stuff you can't find out about.

leave me alone or i will hunt you down with my shoe.
Like Nikita Kruschev at the United Nations.
Bang Bang.

sundries that contributed to this report:

1. Songs (in reverse order):

"Joker James" - The Who (Quadrophenia)
"Apple" - Cibo Matto (Viva! La Woman)
"More Future" - Pop Deluxe (A Touch of Class Sucks!)
"Ferris Wheel" - Common (Electric Circus)
"Interview with Quincy Jones #3" - Michael Jackson (Thriller)
"Another Girl's Paradise" - Tori Amos (Scarlet's Walk)
"Pure Love" - Byzar (Incursions In Illbient)
"Come Together" - Ike & Tina Turner (Soul Tribute To the Beatles)
"Wife (Pieces of Detroit Mix by Prefuse 73) - Phil Ranelin (Hefty Records: Sample This)
"A.N.G.E.L. (Reprise)" - Dwele (Subject)
"Prairie Dog" - Laika (Sounds of The Satellites)

2. Silver Haze, Cannabis Club

3. Fair Trade Blend, Peet's Coffee

4. Calistoga Mountain Spring Water

5. Paperclip

6. Stacked quarters

7. Plastic bag

8. Dayton Fuel-Trimmer Heater

9. General Electric 100 Watt bulb

10. 1% Lowfat Milk

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

things i enjoyed today

** my last day of work at a very very large web company's music division. i genuinely liked working there and will miss all the exposure to the nonstop music juggernaut (hi tina b!), but a guy's gotta do more than exist/barely get by/tread water/whathaveyou. change is indeed good.

** free latte from my boss. i'll miss our good conversations. she is a very cool woman, along with all my other co-workers over there holding the fort down in content. ah, i'm getting all wistful.

*** experiencing the joys of intense flooding on 16th street, causing me to walk several blocks out of my way to get to work. i was of course, late. but man, i don't think i've ever been involved in such intense flooding. pretty damn crazy. i attempted to walk through it but i was stopped at 16th and folsom. i tried walking in the middle of the street, hoping i could get through with the cars (i did not give a fuck - i walked right in front of cars, i was not gonna be stopped...but i was. damn you mother nature. fucking bitch, she is, sometimes...hee hee).
i thought i was smart by heading up to s. van ness and crossing over on 17th, but no way man, no way. my god, i saw several cars with water up to their door handles!!! that BMW owner was unlikely to have been pleased about the situation.
and did i mention the insane wind gusts?
50-60 mph at some points. it whips you around like a twig. a damn good reminder how insignicant one human being can be in the grand scheme of things. you are spittle. i gave up on my umbrella after awhile.
i saw many, many umbrella casualties today. they lost. the only reason my piece of shit umbrella wasn't among the dead was i heeded the advice of my trusty weatherperson, who warned last night that umbrellas would do you no good in this wind. alas, i don't own a windbreaker. maybe that will have to change.
soon enough.

** not knowing where to go after getting off the bart at civic center, and ended up doing a huge loop near city hall. i was gearing up for some nasty barbs exchanged with the fools from kansas holding signs that say "God hates fags" and other loving religious paraphernalia. alas, it was just a happy group of people celebrating the union of two of them. i shouldn't say alas. but i was gearing up for some fun-filled verbal antics.
another day.

a new plateau was reached today.

no, not even the 50mph wind gusts and violent rain, nor the subsequent flash floods on, this, my very last day at aol ... probably forever.

this afternoon, i saw an actual LIVE ROOSTER just hanging out outside a Burger King (8th & market), atop what was probably a homeless person's pack.
a real live cock, big one too, just checking everyone out that was walking by.
i only noticed it because all the hipsters were gathered around it, taking pictures of each other next to the damn thing.

so yeah.

random cock sighting in the city.

gotta love this town.
be aggressive, be be aggressive.

hand on butt

***that guy walking directly in front of this suv, who flipped off the driver after she beeped her horn at him.
yes sir.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

pretty damn funny

a mash-up of Public Enemy and Herb Albert, once again swiped from the SF Indie List. But it's not my fault there's a lot of hilarious links up there.

hi-larious, mister.

I"m listening to the new Zero 7. It's sounding really good. I'm liking it thus far.


Monday, February 23, 2004

Be Aggressive, be, be aggressive

that's right, dear friends in monotheistic america.
be aggressive.
and be optimistic, that we can achieve regime change and kick Bush's ass back to Texas.

The Bush Administration reeks of desperation right now. It's so strange. But so delightful. We just need to somehow make it through the rest of the year, leading up to election day. But signs are getting better that Bush is in real trouble.

do not forget to vote.
drill it in your skull.

pray to your favorite god in the sky. look down where he lay.

the little lord jesus, asleep on the hay.

then it's back up on the cross for you.

gentle ben is dead.
When does being happy about the new year end?

Today I heard a man wish another man an enthusiastic "Happy New Year!" near the 16th & Mission BART stop and I had to stop and take pause.
And so i did.
I thought, "hmmm, that seems odd to hear someone still wishing people happy new year three weeks into February."

When does it become too late to wish happy new year? What's the cutoff point?
And should we all, as a society, agree on this together?
Or should it just be one of those unwritten rules.

It's all very confusing.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

What More Can I Say? Grey Album available for download

Hey yo, ho ho ho.
Christmas is early/late this year.

If you're searching in vain for the Danger Mouse remix of Jay-Z's "The Black Album" with the Beatles' "White Album," here is the place to find it.

don't say i never gave you anything you jerks.
ohhh, the weather outside is frightful

not really, but it sounded good when i wrote the above statement, about 15 seconds ago. since then, the whole world has changed.
the sky is blue, the sun is red, satan is blue, and God has a new 'do.
God is gay (happy) you know.

i had strange dreams last night.
you know what they say though, when you have pizza before bed, you have weird dreams.
i dreamt my friend margaret from indiana, whom i haven't spoken to in a few years (maybe 4-5?), was hanging out with some friends at a burning man-like event.
tina b and i tried googling her this morning but the number we found was olde.
i would like to know how she's doing though. so margaret, if you're out there, we're waiting for your call. we beg of you, for the love of Ra.

then i had a dream about my childhood cat Kenny. he was a fine kitty who died in 1997 at 16 years old. i was quite saddened by the loss of Kenny, i must say. he used to love to hang out in the garden in front of our house in Michigan, so that's where we buried him......

....Man, fuck, what a rush of held-in emotions about Kenny i just felt after writing that last sentence. I'm still upset about the loss of my cat who's been dead nearly seven years??? how can this be?
It's true that i have deep affection for animals in my life. my three kitties are super spoiled and super close to us. My friend Frankie is laying next to me right now on the desk. This kitty loves the heater.

oh man, what a day this will be for a daydream. what a day for a daydreaming boy. i love that song. by the Lovin' Spoonful (i love the internet - think of a song title and just type it into google - voila! answer).

OK, i've gotta tell the people about my DJ night tonight.
you see.
because that's the way it's gotta be!

whistle while you thistle.

Great commentary about gay marriage

First, from my friend and yours, Bill Maher.

Valentine's Day, That Great State Holiday

NEW RULE: You can't claim you're the party of smaller government, and then clamor to make laws about love. If there's one area I don't want the US government to add to its list of screw-ups, it's love. On the occasion of this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves: What business is it of the state how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other? And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings?
Hey, birthdays are important, too -- why not include them in the great document? Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things, like schools, prison, Social Security -- OK, so how about we privatize privacy? If the government prohibits gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli. Republicans used to be the party that opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people, and encourage it for others. If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to encourage and promote marriage -- including seed money to pay an old Jewish woman to call up people at random and say "So why aren't you married, Mr. Big Shot?"

But when it comes to homosexuals, Republicans sing "I Love You Just the Way You Oughta Be." They oppose gay marriage because it threatens or mocks -- or does something -- to the "sanctity of marriage," as if anything you can do drunk out of your mind in front of an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas could be considered sacred. Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked-up, rich or desperate, but in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing -- kind of like what his Dad has with the Saudis. But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue -- they really believe that homosexuality, because it says so in the Bible, is an "abomination" and a "dysfunction" that's "curable": they believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay -- -- because the theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an "abomination," and therefore their refusal to endorse gay marriage is a hypocrisy. The right are true believers, but the Democrats are merely pretending that they believe gays are not entitled to the same state-sanctioned misery as the rest of us. The Democrats' position doesn't come from the Bible, it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.

[Where is the] Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of "civil union" and "hate the sin, love the sinner," and say loud and clear: 'There IS no sin, and homosexuality is NOT an abomination' -- although that Boy George musical Rosie O'Donnell put on comes close. The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.

But that aside, the law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100 percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire-Island gay, and that they don't need reprogramming.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Fab Five #17 (Merry Presidents Day Edition)

Just think kids, only 9 more months till Bush gets his sorry ass booted from the White House!!!
And a new feature this week! Thanks to Mikey Royer in Cinci, at least one song on the FF will be available for download on his filesharing site. We appreciate the space Mikey!

1. "Mad World" by Michael Andrews w/Gary Jules (from Donnie Darko soundtrack)
Oh my god, this song gives me such chills, to the bone even. No really, this slowed-down, sparse cover song (originally by Tears For Fears) was originally included on the highly underrated 2002 flick "Donnie Darko." Featuring folkie Gary Jules on vocals, this eerie, spooky version of "Mad World" was a big hit in the UK late last year and promises to be a hit here as well. Don't miss it. And you can listen to it here.

2. "The Dress Looks Nice On You" by Sufjan Stevens (UK single, Rough Trade)
Former Michigander responsible for last year's highly acclaimed concept album Sufjan Stevens Presents Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lakes State (every song has to do with Michigan, in the first what is supposed to be a 50-album series on each state) returns with a powerful yet delicate new single. I recall reviewing Sufjan's debut when I was editing Music Revue magazine in Michigan and was bowled over by his talent. He has this quiet, lighthearted way about him, but with a decidely dark tint.

3. "Pinche" by Tourettes With Ryder from Sniff (New Glue Records compilation)
I know very little about Tourettes With Ryder or the Toronto-based New Glue Records, but this frenetic little track is just hilarious. Basically consisting of a cavalcade of beat programming and various electronic loops and TWR's Kris Lefcoe spitting out these sing-songy lyrics about some guy that dissed her for another girl two years prior and then shows up on her Manhattan doorstep, "Pinche" is short for "Pinche Cabron" (which loosely means "stupid fucker that cheated on you" in Spanish), the nickname she gives to the freeloader. I'd like to know more about Tourettes.

4. My first GarageBand Song "Rescue 666"
Anyone that knows me from back in the Michigan days knows i temporarily played in a band called Rescue 666. Well, at long last, it comes full circle, with the first song i've sculpted together in Apple's new looping and production software (and via three CDs of loops I was reviewing for XLR8R). The song needs work but i feel like it's a good start, so i'm encouraged and can't wait to do more. Surprisingly, it came pretty easy to me. Apparently, spending the last 30 or so years of my life listening and obsessing about music is paying off.

5. Tina B's 30th Birthday
Thanks to all of our friends, enemies and confidantes that came out to represent for Tina B's lovely birthday celebration at the Latin American Club in the Mission Saturday night. A damn fine time had by all, to be sure, with plenty of damn fine cake, er, i mean Sacrapantina (beyond delicious, i might add) from Stella's Pastry Shop in North Beach. Since turning 30 three days ago, Tina has sprouted into a fine young woman and we expect big things from her. We're all so very proud.

Monday, February 16, 2004

51 Observations out of my monday moanin' mind (with apologies to bob talbert of the detroit free press, who is dead)

1. Most people wear blue jeans. If you could make a political referendum that would appeal to people who wear blue jeans regularly, you could win. Of course, it would have to specifically appeal to jean wearers for that hypothesis to work.

2. I never needed my umbrella much when i lived in Michigan. Now i find my shitty little umbrella extremely more valuable. Why? Because in Michigan I usually drove wherever i needed to go. In the Bay Area, i often take public transpo and i'm therefore walking a lot more.

3. I often look around at the people who are in a public place with me at the same time because i like to think about, in the event of a terrorist attack (or if this were the 80s, a nuclear attack), how this temporal group of people would work together if such a thing were to occur. Like, would that grumpy looking old bear/queen weighted down with innumerable amounts of metal on his leather jacket while wearing sunglasses on an obviously cloudy, rainy day, would work with say, me, if somebody blew up the Safeway Parking structure? Or how about yuppie boy over in the corner, married to his cellphone on his ear. Or that guy with the bad thin mustache wearing a Carhartt jacket (meaning, he likely works in construction, manufacturing or something involving physical labor), who went out of his way to ask the person behind the counter how they were doing today and seemed like he truly cared how they were. Me, I usually can't get mixed up in such frivoloties (ok, it depends on the situation and my mood), yet i sometimes bemoan the lack of complicity between humans these days. But I digress.
How would we, the temporal Peets group stuck in the same place at the same time when disaster strikes, work together? Or would we simply fail in the face of destruction, brought about by our own selfish needs? Who would live? Who would die? All this from getting a goddamn cup of coffee at Peets.

4. I'll probably be dead in 50 years. Dammit. Maybe I'll become a fan of suspended animation. Or better yet, suspended anime. Then I'll come back in an "Akira" remake or something.

5. Sex doesn't consume me as much as it used to, like say when I was 19. Don't get me wrong, I still love sex as much as the next guy -- or woman. But it's not quite as important to me as it used to be, giving me more time to concentrate on important things like making up this list of 51 random things I'm thinking about. But doesn't it make the world a better place, after all?

6. So-called conservatives are against gay marriage out of fear and hatred of what they don't understand. See, this concept challenges their basic fundamentals they learned as a child, that you're just supposed to get married and further the species. The individual means nothing! It's all about cramming as many people as we can stuff on this planet, strip it of all its resources or, as Ann Coulter has eloquently put, we humans "have the right to rape the Earth." Sweet.
Why? Who says? God/Allah/Muhammad/Ra/Jesus/Mary/Lucifer? Like there's not enough people on Earth already? Nope. I'm not anti-children (though I am anti-family - all people should not be forced to be in family. But then we'll have to figure out how to reproduce asexually, which could be a bitch). I don't see how "society" at large is harmed by two people in a loving relationship who want to solidify that bond and get married.
How does that affect the well-being of those who don't believe in it? It doesn't, no matter what the gender. When we have a 50 percent divorce rate in the U.S., I have a difficulty believing people who insist that marriage is "sacred - but only for male and female, as God as intended." How do you know that's what God intended? God also intended Abraham to hang out with his many concubines and get some lovin' but we don't find that acceptable anymore (outwardly at least). There are so many hypocrisies and contradictions in relation to sex, it's so strange.
We're all sexual beings. We're all sitting here right now because our parents had sex (unless you're a test tube bay). Why do we have such guilt about it? Oh yeah, that's right...because of religion!

7. This morning's BART train was eventful, all due to an errant door that was supposedly ajar. The train operator never found the door that was showing up on his computer thingie, but every single damn person had to get off the train and wait for another train because of it. Which sucked. Ugh. Especially brutal considering it was raining and BART was operating on a Saturday schedule because it was Presidents Day. Meaning, we had to wait even longer than usual for a train that was smaller than normal. Dammit Jim, even when I try to be on time in getting to work in the morning, I'm still late. That's wrong of you.

8. That interesting looking girl with the short boyish brown hair and a small head, big rock on her finger and gorgeous gigantic eyes was one of the few people that understood you could take the Richmond train and transfer at 12th Street rather than sit there and wait for the SF train, which would have been mega-sardine packed and shit. Though, I felt for her when that idiot next to her was talking her ear off about all the fun-filled delays. He didn't know when to stop. On the other hand, I was glad I hadn't sat next to him.

9. I hated that geeky looking gentleman on BART this morning who insisted on playing his stupid videogame on his cell phone and breaking up the genteel silence pervading the cabin. If you're going to play a game that has loud bleeping noises, at least turn the volume down, don some headphones or better yet, stop playing it entirely. I wanted to destroy him.

10. Large lo-fat latte. My drink of choice. Every day. Can't stop the rock.

11. Sesame seed bagel with regular cream cheese, toasted. I have such a bland palette. I love it.

12. I hate it when people insist I should try different foods. I'll try it if i want to, but why should I? Does it confirm that you're smarter than me by liking this particular food and I don't? Or if not that, does it confirm to you that choosing to eat this food was the right idea? The bay area is full of foodies, so I'm constantly dealing with this. If i had it my way, I would never have to bother with eating ever again, if I could just pop a pill each day that had all the vitamins and minerals I wanted. And I would still be a huge beverage consumer. I'm a big beverage fan. Gigantic. But fuck food.

13. This hoody sweatshirt I borrowed and wearing today kind of stinks. Oh well. Being warm outweighs mild stench, depending.

14. Eating Mexican food several days in a row plays extreme havoc with my digestive system. Just ask all my friends that were forced to be around me at the end of last week. I stunk.

15. The roof of my mouth is burned by the Freschetta pizza I had last night.

16. I eat too many carbs.

17. I made part of a song on Garageband this weekend. It's really OK. Needs work, but it's a beginning.

18. Those birdies that were flying all over the place this morning were having a meeting. Birdies often like to have meetings and discuss issues of importance relating to birdie values.

19. People should know when I'm at home when they call. I get annoyed when people call my cell phone and I'm at home. Not that they can tell that I'm at home, but they should be able to sense it. Why don't they? Maybe I should have a GPS chip installed into my skull. Or better yet, we could get radar on each other. Stupid limited human tricks.

20. My "to read" pile continues to grow. And grow. Every few months I have to make difficult choices by sifting through various newspapers, magazines, books and pamphlets and throw away shit I know i'm probably never going to get around to reading. But there's definitely guilt involved if I don't read something i know i should. And yeah, i'm the type that reads a magazine cover to cover.

21. I have envy. Of what, I do not know. People with more money than me, maybe. People who run fast. People with two brains. Those kinds of people, I envy.

22. Bedbugs are infesting the nation at a rate like we've never seen. Germaphobic peoples are freaking out. Run, don't walk, to your nearest public restroom, lie down on the floor and start bathing in germ mania.

23. It is very windy today. Rainy too. Rain rain rain. Lovely melancholy rain.

24. "Pinche cabron" is a great fucking saying or name to call someone. Plus, it's a great song too.

25. I am finally going to start exercising and get my stomach back in shape. i'm sure cutting down on carbs will help. but so will just exercising. after all, i used to hold the school record for most situps. i fucking rule.

25 1/2. I'm also big on wishful thinking and living up to ideals (see above).

26. My umbrella is currently open inside a building. i would be in a whole heap of trouble if i believed in bad luck and that sort of thing. no, sir, i believe in destiny/fate whathaveyou.

27. is coming soon. alert your dad.

28. I hate bush today more than i did yesterday.

29. I always loved that song "fifty nifty united states from 13 original colonies." it always helped me remember all 50 states in alphabetical order. much love to mrs. lamoreaux, esther was her first name i believe. she's probably dead now.

30. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas. not really. christmas is stupid. long live christmas.

31.your stomach is racist.

32. there's nobody i know that has a badger for a pet. and that's really unfortunate. it's a damn good thing i'm sober.

33. why don't more people make up words like i do?

34. i recently made the realization that i'm an agnostic. it's pretty exciting to know what you are. i know you are but what am i?

35. i also believe there are things of the cognitive nature we know little about. like take me for example. i often have the ability to talk about things that will be brought up in conversation very soon, i.e. of a precognitive nature. i often call people when they're talking about me (no really, this happens to me a lot, at least once or twice a month since i can remember). if i think about it too much, it doesn't come. just random things pop into my head that often have resonance beyond the randomness. in other words, i have the "gift." but i am no psychic. if only i could somehow harness these powers i to make a better world for tim pratt, well that would be super awesome.

36. there are these tiny little fucking bugs that have been floating around everyone in my office for months. no really, this is fucking true. i hate them so much. i want to destroy them. they bug the shit out of me, these bugs. getting in my face. in fact, i accidentally swallowed one a few weeks ago. that sucked. as if on cue, another one just flew up in my face. i want to destroy them. bring out the spiders.

37. defecation is a weird word to use for pooping. somebody defecated in a doorway on 16th street last week and it was soooo disgusting, i nearly puked. no joke. gag reflex and everything. defecation time is here.

38. i love to create stories about various people that cross my path on a daily basis.

39. i used to sing a song when i was younger that basically came down to these lyrics: "i want to fuck every woman in the world." see, this isn't possibly true, but it sounded funny. they're just words, you know. they don't mean a thing. not to be taken literally, unless terrorist act happens. then all bets are off.

40. there's a song i just entered called "Demon Love" by the group ASP on the "Weltunter" CD. it's industrial. i listened to about 30 seconds of it. it sucks. but three cheers for Demon Love.

41. i thought of mary Poppins today when my umbrella (lot of umbrella references today. whoo hoo!) blew up from a massive wind gust. there are all sorts of wind tunnels in san francisco, created by buildings and wind. it's very exciting. breathtaking even.

42. that reminds me of that song by Rex Smith, "You Take My Breath Away." it was like a copycat teen pinup idol of Andy Gibb or Shaun Cassidy. bad song.

43. mmmm, bop bop! (think ministry's "every day is halloween", feel me?)

44. sometimes as a child i would poop my pants (i would, ahem, push it to the limit and try to stave off the incoming poo, but sometimes i didn't succeed) and so if i was in a public place, i would get rid of said underwear and usually stuff them behind the toilet, throw them in the garbage or attempt to flush them (i learned pretty early on that was a bad move). horrible, i know. but i was a child. you can't shoot me now. unless you have a gun and a time machine.

45. i've always wished i could have the ability to stop time. it would be so awesome, and i would be able to accomplish so much more. like, in the morning, i could sleep till about 1 minute before i had to be to work, stop time, and then get ready. i could even drive. well, that may be kind of hard in traffic, especially if there isnt' room for me to get through cars.

46. i let little things bother me too much. it's a fact, jacqueline. now stop chewing on your toenails or i'm going to scream bloody murder. and murder your pet anklet.

47. the doors are where the windows should be. And the windows are where the doors should be.

48. i'm addicted to sorbitol. i am super anti-starbucks (i'm an ardent peets fan) though sometimes i have to settle for starfucks when there is nothing else to choose from. but fuck all that. the point is that i am addicted to those extremely strong "after coffee mints" that starbucks makes. they are soooo good. and they leave you with extremely fresh breath. even my kitties love them when they lick my face in the morning. i am blessed.

49. the j. geils band's best song still remains "Love Stinks." It's very good.

50. i am going to buy more body soap today because i have run out. this morning, i used an herbal salt-lick to cleanse my body and get rid of the filth stained upon my soul. i weep.

51. I've never had an enema and i don't really know how they work, why you would need one or what they do exactly (something about cleaning out your colon, right?). i remain unsure.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Keep on doing what the TV says

Tina spotted the above saying on a sticker somewhere in Oakland or Berkeley a couple months ago and, which i'm sure the maker of the sticker would approve, she promptly took it down and brought it home.

we still are saying "keep on doing what the tv says" all the time. it's a very rhythmic phrase. say it loud, say it proud. we do.

yesterday, valentine's day, was tina b.'s 30th birthday. it was a fine evening of restrained debauchery at thee olde Latin American Club in the that city we call san francisco.
and how nifty, there was another party celebrating some girl's 30th b-day. when the unprepared party of peeps realized they had forgotten napkins, forks and paper plates to eat their cake on, tina rebuffed their attempts at yanking some from us.
which was damn fine.
they said something like "oh, well i suppose we could go buy some" and tina responded "yeah, that's what we did" and just turned around and ignored.

keep on doing what the tv says.

we also enjoyed see disparate friends of ours that don't know each other be brought together. it's like worlds colliding. which, is always enjoyable to watch.
yes yes ya'll.
a fine evening of alcoholic beverages and other excellent substances. an evening for the ages.

and the aged.
no really, i love these kinds of things, being surrounded by friends having a good time.

Sniff N the Tears need to come back.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

not for the easily offended

like anyone who's easily offended even bothers to turn to PaperSpray.

check this video out. the song is called "I Love Death."

It's some Finnish band called Lodger. really well done. i laughed, i cried, it was better than Cats.

maybe not.
the site is fun too.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

FF #16 (Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture Edition)

1. Aluminum Group More Happyness (Wishing Tree)

I'm late to this train but Chicago's The Aluminum Group are true art pop sophisticates, writing sly, seductive songs oozing with panache (think Burt Bacharach with electronic production). Wry lyrics, eloquent vocals and a mixture of glossy electronic textures, frittery beats and languid percussion accent gay brothers John and Frank Navin's quirky, understated songs. More Happyness is the second of will be a "Happyness" trilogy. Happy Happy.

2. Erlend Oye DJ-Kicks (K7) (Out in May)
It's the singing Norwegian DJ. Erlend Oye is probably best known for his distinctive vocal contributions on Royksopp's album (most notably, the single "Poor Leno") and being part of the group Kings Of Convenience.
On this latest installment of the long-running DJ-Kicks series, Oye improbably links up techno, minimal techno, neuvo electro and dance punk, then lays down his own a cappella vocals atop the tracks. But get this, the vocals are lyrics from different songs than the music playing, so you'll hear him singing some of his own unreleased works or The Smiths' "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" over a remix of "Poor Leno" and "Venus" (originally by the Shocking Blue, then later covered by Bananarama) during a track by Uusi Fantasia. It's a surprisingly fun and unique mix.

3. Fischerspooner vs. Billy Squier "Everybody Wants You To Emerge" (from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy soundtrack).
Yes, it's true. The Queer Eye boys have a companion CD. And it's actually not bad, though a bit on the mainstream dance side. But this novelty mash-up of Fischerspooner's big hit "Emerge" with Billy Squier's (remember him?) "Everybody Wants You" is a blast and totally works. Oddly enough, another Billy Squier song is sampled in Dizzee Rascal's hit "Fix Up Look Sharp." Is Billy making a comeback?

4. Bush's approval ratings at their lowest point of his presidency
Finally, there is hope, with Bush's approval ratings dropping below 50 percent for the first time ever. And these numbers were measured before his dismal performance on "Meet The Press" yesterday.? Even conservatives thought Bush did a lousy job in the interview, with one GOP honcho wishing the "Prez" could speak in complete sentences.
But this is my favorite quote: "I think he's run the country into the ground economically, and he comes out with these crazy ideas like going to Mars and going to the moon," said Richard Bidlack, a 78-year-old retiree from Boonton, N.J., who says he voted for Bush in 2000. "I'm so upset at Bush, I'll vote for a chimpanzee before I vote for him."
More about the poll
And more about Bush's service record in the Texas Air National Guard.

5. OutKast on the Grammy Awards
First, there was the shortest "Thank You" speech ever by Andre 3000. Steven Tyler, B.B. King and Joe Perry sat onstage seemingly forever (why were THEY presenting best rap album?) waiting for one of the feuding members to roll up to claim best Rap Album Award, with the camera searching the crowd in vain. When Andre finally comes up there, he just says "Thank You" and walks away.
Then there was Big Boi's raucous performance as part of the extended funk extravaganza (which also included Earth, Wind & Fire, George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic and about a hundred more people onstage rocking out - including some dancing fool with an umbrella).
And at the end of the night, when OutKast won for Best Album of the year (after a great performance of "Hey Ya!," which included some sort of marching band from the future?wearing Indian headresses), Big Boi and Andre apparently reconciled their differences. Then Andre says, "A lot of people thought 'Stankonia' was our first record. Well, it wasn't. Learn your history! Stank you, stank you very much. You're smellcome. Stank you."
No, Stank YOU.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Take That Britney

This is from Leah Garchik's column in SFGate.

Matter of opinion: Ana Matronic, who performed at TrannyShack while on the way to New York stardom in the band Scissor Sisters, made a guest appearance on the British talk show "Big Breakfast'' along with Britney Spears. When Spears pleaded with Matronic for help in remixing a song, Matronic turned her down, saying "Not to be rude, but your songs are about as interesting as a box of hair.''
For more info on Ana Matronic and the Scissor Sisters, read this. Ana Matronic is on the far right.

And here's more praise for Apple's GarageBand.
Who wants religion stuffed down your throat?
All of you who aren't raising your hands are going to hell

I cannot believe an airline pilot on American recently went out of his way to tell Christians on a recent flight to minister to other people who aren't christians.
You know, this is a great example of why many people are turned off by organized religion, when you have people who feel the need to preach the gospel and be a witness.
i Know all about being a witness. I grew up attending a Baptist church. But there's a time and a place for such things. And when you're a pilot of major airliner, going on the loudspeaker before your flight and saying such things is simply NOT APPROPRIATE.
This is has nothing to do with personal beliefs. It's about respecting other people's feelings and being tactful.
I'm just amazed.
Here's a more detailed analysis.
Pilot's proselytizing scares passengers
for your viewing pleasure

Davey & Son Of Goliath

just hilarious. soooo wrong.
sooo good.

and remember that awesome "Hey Ya!" Charlie Brown parody?
a new link that works! You will enjoy.

And finally, don't forget about Furious George.
He's pissed. He's curiously furious.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

grammy commentary

my favorite thank you has been Andre's for best rap album. steven tyler, b.b. king and joe perry sat up there forever (why were THEY presenting best rap album?) waiting for Andre to roll up and when he finally makes it up, he goes "thank you" and that's it.

why does sting have to be in every fucking tribute? sting is so irrelevant. he just gets on my nerves. he's like super yuppie. and he's always doing these combos with hip young artists to show how cool he still is. fuck off sting.

i officially can't stand beyonce. she's just so fake and unlikeable. so smug. i love how she pulls out her "i've still got me a southern accent" thing. whatever. every damn commercial break, they show her. ooh, more beyonce. fuck off beyonce.

ol' christina aguilera just won for best female pop vocal for "beautiful," which, i can't believe i'm going to admit, is a guilty pleasure. i know, i know. stop your groaning.
her titties were nearly hanging out there. she was sporting the 20s-style flapper look with her hair much like alicia keys was. they even did a flash of her when Xtina won.

everyone is so ga-ga over hilary duff. sorry, i don't see it. i just don't think she's attractive. then again, i'm not into flashy girls. well, ok, forget that. i like flash but you gotta have some sass in your ass to match that flash. buttcake charlie.

so far, my favorite performance has been the white stripes. they rocked. i love the white stripes. i don't care if they're huge now. i still love 'em. ol' jack looks especially beefy these days.

aaarrrggghhhh~! every commercial break, we're promised beyonce. get that stupid bitch off my screen!

justin timberlake, who apologized earlier for the "rough week" with the whole Janet boob issue and said it was "unintentional," did do a decent job with Arturo Sandoval and the big large gospel choir. i don't despise justin. though ms. tina b disapproved of his white suit thing he was wearing.

fashion! turn to the left.
fashion! turn to the right.

baby baby baby.

oh yeah, the Prince performance in the beginning was pretty good.
doing "purple rain."

I can't wait for OutKast teaming up with George Clinton.

OK< i'm REALLY getting annoyed with fucking beyonce. every goddamn commercial break previews beyonce's appearance! who fucking hoo.
can you tell how much i love her?
can you?
can you?
my baby.

June Carter Cash just got a posthumous award. which, is very sweet.
she was a fine woman. fine woman.

evanescence just won best new artist. i don't have hatred in my heart for them. that girl seems ok. they ARE on wind-up, the not-so-secret christian-ized rock label (also home to the worst band in the world, Creed.

yah, coldplay gave props to john kerry when the won for best record of the year.

i dug the funk jam with earth, wind & fire, outkast (sans andre, though), john or robert rudolph (i can't recall what his name was) and george clinton, who they barely showed. the camera work on some of this has been especially bad. like, why did they keep on showing the fucking drummer or the backup singers, instead of say, ohhh, george clinton? of course, ol george looked a bit weary and out of it. all that crack and coke can't be good for you george.

50 cent made a quick behind-the-scenes jump onto the stage for a moment, which was kind of funny.

now sarah mclachlan is kicking up her smoooth elegant pap. yawn.

the foo fighters collaboration with jazz pianist chick corea was ok. that's kind of how i feel about most foo fighters songs. i don't really hate them but i don't really love them either. all kind of just there, mediocre. i mean, i like dave grohl. he seems pretty fun. and you can't forget (though it's easy to do) that he was in nirvana but i don't know, i've always been pretty indifferent to his tuneage.

heeeyyyy yaaaa!

i have to make an addendum to my favorite albums of the year, i think. outkast has to be included on my faves of 2003. i just didn't listen to it enough in the 03.
911 is a joke in your town.

the camera work in this show has been pretty bad. too many close-ups without giving you a chance to see who's up on the damn stage. when warren zevon won posthumously for best rock vocal, you wouldn't know that the producer was up on stage until warren's son acknowledged him and they had to pan back. slipshod shit.
it's bullshit.

awesome. outKast won album of the year. awesome.
the final performance by andre doing 'hey ya!' was hilarious.
and then he said "stank you, stank you very much. you're smelcome."

camera work was seriously atrocious in the grammies.
i did like the comments made by the Grammy head dude, with the play on words about weapons of mass destruction and a diss on bush's proposals to take away music programs in schools.
of course, this was followed up by the usual shit about digital music and how you shouldn't download. no no no.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Ha Ha Ha - Peek-A-Boo. ha ha ha, peek-a-boo

you will love this.

Trust me, my minions.
Especially for music fans of some ages.

Fuzz Ewe.

Awesome! Bush is in trouble!.

Actually, this quote about Bush says it all:
"I think he's run the country into the ground economically, and he comes out with these crazy ideas like going to Mars and going to the moon," said Richard Bidlack, a 78-year-old retiree from Boonton, N.J., who says he voted for Bush in 2000. "I'm so upset at Bush, I'll vote for a chimpanzee before I vote for him."

ha ha ha!!!! Yesssssss. Here's the rest of the story.

Of course, then there's Bush's questionable Air National Guard record.
Check out the deserter's credentials. Or should i say, lack thereof.