51 Observations out of my monday moanin' mind (with apologies to bob talbert of the detroit free press, who is dead)

1. Most people wear blue jeans. If you could make a political referendum that would appeal to people who wear blue jeans regularly, you could win. Of course, it would have to specifically appeal to jean wearers for that hypothesis to work.

2. I never needed my umbrella much when i lived in Michigan. Now i find my shitty little umbrella extremely more valuable. Why? Because in Michigan I usually drove wherever i needed to go. In the Bay Area, i often take public transpo and i'm therefore walking a lot more.

3. I often look around at the people who are in a public place with me at the same time because i like to think about, in the event of a terrorist attack (or if this were the 80s, a nuclear attack), how this temporal group of people would work together if such a thing were to occur. Like, would that grumpy looking old bear/queen weighted down with innumerable amounts of metal on his leather jacket while wearing sunglasses on an obviously cloudy, rainy day, would work with say, me, if somebody blew up the Safeway Parking structure? Or how about yuppie boy over in the corner, married to his cellphone on his ear. Or that guy with the bad thin mustache wearing a Carhartt jacket (meaning, he likely works in construction, manufacturing or something involving physical labor), who went out of his way to ask the person behind the counter how they were doing today and seemed like he truly cared how they were. Me, I usually can't get mixed up in such frivoloties (ok, it depends on the situation and my mood), yet i sometimes bemoan the lack of complicity between humans these days. But I digress.
How would we, the temporal Peets group stuck in the same place at the same time when disaster strikes, work together? Or would we simply fail in the face of destruction, brought about by our own selfish needs? Who would live? Who would die? All this from getting a goddamn cup of coffee at Peets.

4. I'll probably be dead in 50 years. Dammit. Maybe I'll become a fan of suspended animation. Or better yet, suspended anime. Then I'll come back in an "Akira" remake or something.

5. Sex doesn't consume me as much as it used to, like say when I was 19. Don't get me wrong, I still love sex as much as the next guy -- or woman. But it's not quite as important to me as it used to be, giving me more time to concentrate on important things like making up this list of 51 random things I'm thinking about. But doesn't it make the world a better place, after all?

6. So-called conservatives are against gay marriage out of fear and hatred of what they don't understand. See, this concept challenges their basic fundamentals they learned as a child, that you're just supposed to get married and further the species. The individual means nothing! It's all about cramming as many people as we can stuff on this planet, strip it of all its resources or, as Ann Coulter has eloquently put, we humans "have the right to rape the Earth." Sweet.
Why? Who says? God/Allah/Muhammad/Ra/Jesus/Mary/Lucifer? Like there's not enough people on Earth already? Nope. I'm not anti-children (though I am anti-family - all people should not be forced to be in family. But then we'll have to figure out how to reproduce asexually, which could be a bitch). I don't see how "society" at large is harmed by two people in a loving relationship who want to solidify that bond and get married.
How does that affect the well-being of those who don't believe in it? It doesn't, no matter what the gender. When we have a 50 percent divorce rate in the U.S., I have a difficulty believing people who insist that marriage is "sacred - but only for male and female, as God as intended." How do you know that's what God intended? God also intended Abraham to hang out with his many concubines and get some lovin' but we don't find that acceptable anymore (outwardly at least). There are so many hypocrisies and contradictions in relation to sex, it's so strange.
We're all sexual beings. We're all sitting here right now because our parents had sex (unless you're a test tube bay). Why do we have such guilt about it? Oh yeah, that's right...because of religion!

7. This morning's BART train was eventful, all due to an errant door that was supposedly ajar. The train operator never found the door that was showing up on his computer thingie, but every single damn person had to get off the train and wait for another train because of it. Which sucked. Ugh. Especially brutal considering it was raining and BART was operating on a Saturday schedule because it was Presidents Day. Meaning, we had to wait even longer than usual for a train that was smaller than normal. Dammit Jim, even when I try to be on time in getting to work in the morning, I'm still late. That's wrong of you.

8. That interesting looking girl with the short boyish brown hair and a small head, big rock on her finger and gorgeous gigantic eyes was one of the few people that understood you could take the Richmond train and transfer at 12th Street rather than sit there and wait for the SF train, which would have been mega-sardine packed and shit. Though, I felt for her when that idiot next to her was talking her ear off about all the fun-filled delays. He didn't know when to stop. On the other hand, I was glad I hadn't sat next to him.

9. I hated that geeky looking gentleman on BART this morning who insisted on playing his stupid videogame on his cell phone and breaking up the genteel silence pervading the cabin. If you're going to play a game that has loud bleeping noises, at least turn the volume down, don some headphones or better yet, stop playing it entirely. I wanted to destroy him.

10. Large lo-fat latte. My drink of choice. Every day. Can't stop the rock.

11. Sesame seed bagel with regular cream cheese, toasted. I have such a bland palette. I love it.

12. I hate it when people insist I should try different foods. I'll try it if i want to, but why should I? Does it confirm that you're smarter than me by liking this particular food and I don't? Or if not that, does it confirm to you that choosing to eat this food was the right idea? The bay area is full of foodies, so I'm constantly dealing with this. If i had it my way, I would never have to bother with eating ever again, if I could just pop a pill each day that had all the vitamins and minerals I wanted. And I would still be a huge beverage consumer. I'm a big beverage fan. Gigantic. But fuck food.

13. This hoody sweatshirt I borrowed and wearing today kind of stinks. Oh well. Being warm outweighs mild stench, depending.

14. Eating Mexican food several days in a row plays extreme havoc with my digestive system. Just ask all my friends that were forced to be around me at the end of last week. I stunk.

15. The roof of my mouth is burned by the Freschetta pizza I had last night.

16. I eat too many carbs.

17. I made part of a song on Garageband this weekend. It's really OK. Needs work, but it's a beginning.

18. Those birdies that were flying all over the place this morning were having a meeting. Birdies often like to have meetings and discuss issues of importance relating to birdie values.

19. People should know when I'm at home when they call. I get annoyed when people call my cell phone and I'm at home. Not that they can tell that I'm at home, but they should be able to sense it. Why don't they? Maybe I should have a GPS chip installed into my skull. Or better yet, we could get radar on each other. Stupid limited human tricks.

20. My "to read" pile continues to grow. And grow. Every few months I have to make difficult choices by sifting through various newspapers, magazines, books and pamphlets and throw away shit I know i'm probably never going to get around to reading. But there's definitely guilt involved if I don't read something i know i should. And yeah, i'm the type that reads a magazine cover to cover.

21. I have envy. Of what, I do not know. People with more money than me, maybe. People who run fast. People with two brains. Those kinds of people, I envy.

22. Bedbugs are infesting the nation at a rate like we've never seen. Germaphobic peoples are freaking out. Run, don't walk, to your nearest public restroom, lie down on the floor and start bathing in germ mania.

23. It is very windy today. Rainy too. Rain rain rain. Lovely melancholy rain.

24. "Pinche cabron" is a great fucking saying or name to call someone. Plus, it's a great song too.

25. I am finally going to start exercising and get my stomach back in shape. i'm sure cutting down on carbs will help. but so will just exercising. after all, i used to hold the school record for most situps. i fucking rule.

25 1/2. I'm also big on wishful thinking and living up to ideals (see above).

26. My umbrella is currently open inside a building. i would be in a whole heap of trouble if i believed in bad luck and that sort of thing. no, sir, i believe in destiny/fate whathaveyou.

27. helgabunny.com is coming soon. alert your dad.

28. I hate bush today more than i did yesterday.

29. I always loved that song "fifty nifty united states from 13 original colonies." it always helped me remember all 50 states in alphabetical order. much love to mrs. lamoreaux, esther was her first name i believe. she's probably dead now.

30. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas. not really. christmas is stupid. long live christmas.

31.your stomach is racist.

32. there's nobody i know that has a badger for a pet. and that's really unfortunate. it's a damn good thing i'm sober.

33. why don't more people make up words like i do?

34. i recently made the realization that i'm an agnostic. it's pretty exciting to know what you are. i know you are but what am i?

35. i also believe there are things of the cognitive nature we know little about. like take me for example. i often have the ability to talk about things that will be brought up in conversation very soon, i.e. of a precognitive nature. i often call people when they're talking about me (no really, this happens to me a lot, at least once or twice a month since i can remember). if i think about it too much, it doesn't come. just random things pop into my head that often have resonance beyond the randomness. in other words, i have the "gift." but i am no psychic. if only i could somehow harness these powers i to make a better world for tim pratt, well that would be super awesome.

36. there are these tiny little fucking bugs that have been floating around everyone in my office for months. no really, this is fucking true. i hate them so much. i want to destroy them. they bug the shit out of me, these bugs. getting in my face. in fact, i accidentally swallowed one a few weeks ago. that sucked. as if on cue, another one just flew up in my face. i want to destroy them. bring out the spiders.

37. defecation is a weird word to use for pooping. somebody defecated in a doorway on 16th street last week and it was soooo disgusting, i nearly puked. no joke. gag reflex and everything. defecation time is here.

38. i love to create stories about various people that cross my path on a daily basis.

39. i used to sing a song when i was younger that basically came down to these lyrics: "i want to fuck every woman in the world." see, this isn't possibly true, but it sounded funny. they're just words, you know. they don't mean a thing. not to be taken literally, unless terrorist act happens. then all bets are off.

40. there's a song i just entered called "Demon Love" by the group ASP on the "Weltunter" CD. it's industrial. i listened to about 30 seconds of it. it sucks. but three cheers for Demon Love.

41. i thought of mary Poppins today when my umbrella (lot of umbrella references today. whoo hoo!) blew up from a massive wind gust. there are all sorts of wind tunnels in san francisco, created by buildings and wind. it's very exciting. breathtaking even.

42. that reminds me of that song by Rex Smith, "You Take My Breath Away." it was like a copycat teen pinup idol of Andy Gibb or Shaun Cassidy. bad song.

43. mmmm, bop bop! (think ministry's "every day is halloween", feel me?)

44. sometimes as a child i would poop my pants (i would, ahem, push it to the limit and try to stave off the incoming poo, but sometimes i didn't succeed) and so if i was in a public place, i would get rid of said underwear and usually stuff them behind the toilet, throw them in the garbage or attempt to flush them (i learned pretty early on that was a bad move). horrible, i know. but i was a child. you can't shoot me now. unless you have a gun and a time machine.

45. i've always wished i could have the ability to stop time. it would be so awesome, and i would be able to accomplish so much more. like, in the morning, i could sleep till about 1 minute before i had to be to work, stop time, and then get ready. i could even drive. well, that may be kind of hard in traffic, especially if there isnt' room for me to get through cars.

46. i let little things bother me too much. it's a fact, jacqueline. now stop chewing on your toenails or i'm going to scream bloody murder. and murder your pet anklet.

47. the doors are where the windows should be. And the windows are where the doors should be.

48. i'm addicted to sorbitol. i am super anti-starbucks (i'm an ardent peets fan) though sometimes i have to settle for starfucks when there is nothing else to choose from. but fuck all that. the point is that i am addicted to those extremely strong "after coffee mints" that starbucks makes. they are soooo good. and they leave you with extremely fresh breath. even my kitties love them when they lick my face in the morning. i am blessed.

49. the j. geils band's best song still remains "Love Stinks." It's very good.

50. i am going to buy more body soap today because i have run out. this morning, i used an herbal salt-lick to cleanse my body and get rid of the filth stained upon my soul. i weep.

51. I've never had an enema and i don't really know how they work, why you would need one or what they do exactly (something about cleaning out your colon, right?). i remain unsure.