Time Escapes No Living Creature

Our kitty Frankie is pretty much on his last legs.

ok, not even pretty much.

i just got the update from the vet.
no good news.
his kidneys are worsening.

of course, i knew this.
i've lived with him for 11 years.
you have a sense of things such as this.
as much as you don't want to believe it, you know when things are true.

his time is near.

i could see it in his eyes.
he's tired.
he's in pain.
he wants to be here.
but he also knows "here" is fading.
and i know.
tina and i both know.

he's tried his best to maintain.
it was obvious he was trying.
we're all living things sharing this world.
when you become close to another living thing, you can sense when they're not alright.
and he's not.

unfortunately, i've experienced this before.
my previous flatmate, her kitty, lucy, was declining when we moved in together.
and the last few weeks of lucy's life, it was quite obvious when it was her time to go.
curiously, both Frank and The Kitty didn't mess with her, especially toward the end.
oh sure, initially they hissed at her but nothing beyond that.
for the most part, my cats kept their distance and let Lucy do her thing.

i firmly believe they knew her time was short.
And so they gave her space.
normally, they wouldn't have done that. they would have been curious, got up into her space and fucked with her.

living beings know.

and hence....why i think i've come to this same realization in the past week.

.....

we've decided that no matter what the vet says (unless a miracle happens and he rebounds...but ya know...doubtful that), we're going to spend at least 1-2 more nites with him.
i mean....if he's not conscious, obviously we wouldn't do that.
but we want to say goodbye.

i know death is inevitable, that none of us can escape it, but that doesn't take away the pain.

really hurts.

i guess i always thought i'd have more time with frankie.

but it shows yet again we don't know shit.

us lowly humans.

we think we know what the fuck is up.

but we really don't.

sure, we've come a long way.
props to us.

ya-fucking-hoo.

but we still don't know shit.

kick ass and hip hip hooray for being consciously aware.

but what of it.

what of it all.