Things Learned

I can tolerate melon-flavored crap gum in a pinch.

Not wearing underwear with fairly snug jeans is ok.

Staring at a computer screen isn't always a bad thing.

Cats can be comforting.

Complicated negotiations are always complicated.

Not answering my cell phone can be OK.

Fizzy water isn't so good when the fizz goes away.

I can drive pretty well in stop-and-go traffic while distracted.

My persona is public domain.

I need to quit smoking -- AGAIN.

Vices can be bothersome.

I can project my voice without a microphone in a crowded bar when introducing a drag queen performance.

I will never be a good parallel parker.

I will never be taller.

Not wearing an earring in one's ear for a month makes the hole smaller.

Aqua Teen is a fucking funny cartoon.

Mitch Hedberg was fucking funny.

I need new clothing.

I have way too much shit on my desk right now.

A good breakfast place in San Francisco that hasn't been overrun by hipsters still exists.

Half Moon Bay is worth the trip.

I doubt i'll ever be able to open a bottle with a lighter.

Playing music for people has never felt so right.

Being in a constant state of confusion is inescapable.

I will always be better at explaining myself in writing.

Wearing polka dot boxer shorts is pretty cool.

Time continues to be slippin', slippin', slippin', into the future.

Life is never going to be simple.

I am able to eat mushrooms when hungry.

Getting your automobile cleaned can be done.

Nearly everything i say is a digression.

I say the word 'playa' too often.

Cutting dairy out of my diet is possible.

Not tripping about stuff should be easier than it is.

I still don't like olives very much.

My friends should be horse-whipped.

I so need to a buy a brand-new bed.

Taylor Dayne is still alive.

I say 'sorry' too much.

My torso and legs are basically proportional.

I will never be a major motion picture actor.

Some Swedish people think I'm Finnish.

Putting lotion on my hands on a semi-regular basis will improve my cuticles.

Good people never cease to amaze me.

It's likely i will never grow wings.

I'm not a huge fan of punch.

I'm not as afraid of ghosts as i used to be.

Being morbid is not a bad thing.

I still don't have tentacles.

The first thing i read in the Sunday NY Times is Frank Rich's column.

I will never be an oil baron.

I've never made any pottery.

Proclaiming that you're an anarchist is never a good thing.

Meeting new people never gets old.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Grunge is making a comeback.

Wine is fine but liquor is quicker.

Never underestimate the power and majesty of oceans.

It's entirely possible that astrology isn't total bunk.

Tomorrow doesn't exist.

I can dream about Santa Claus.

Free will is relative.

Sometimes, it's hard out here for a timmmii.