Saturday, August 16, 2003

fab five freddy

..was a jerk (maybe).

i'm a day late, but then again, i'm always late to everything...
puto.


1. paper airplanes - so simple, yet so much enjoyment. for at least 2-3 minutes. and that's something.

Fly Robin Fly


2. Henry VIII - so much better than Henry VII, who was a jerk (maybe)...plus herman's hermits wrote an annoying song about him.

Hank


3. "God Less America" - Great title for a record, containing some extremely fucked up and depressing countryish story-songs from the 50s and 60s. You know, average stuff like a guy who finds his wife cheating with another man, shoots the guy, and the bullet goes clean through and kills his wife too. he calls the cops himself and tells them they'll find him waiting at the bar, having one last drink.
and then there's Grandpa Joe's "Drunk Driver," one of the saddest songs I've ever heard. or "Too Many Pills," which is self-explanatory.
of course, you haven't lived until you've heard "Please don't go topless mother" sung by this earnest 8-year-old kid, troy hess. very bizarre.
This is the perfect soundtrack for a coroner.

Crypt Records


4. My roommate's Mork & Mindy children's Tee-shirt, featuring Mork emerging from his egg spaceship and saying "shazzbot!" Even with the giant hole in the front of it and it being much too small for him, he still pulls it off. fucker.

Mork



5. Plastikman "Closer" - some deep personal shit going on there. quite dark, sparse and atmospheric. i can appreciate someone who's so addicted to manipulating sound. it's all in the details.
M_nus


cutter_

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

what do you say at this point.
what can you say at this point.
all bullshit.
all candyland.
all not real.

reality is not real.

Monday, August 11, 2003

They seem to be having some problems this morning.

That was the understatement to sum up my experience this morning at Peet's at 16th and Potrero. Damn, lots of stress, confusion, etc. From the moment i walked in this morning, it felt underly, chaotic even.

Fucking crazed. Too loud, it was, voices overlapping ever higher in volume.
Too much. And then that confusion, that stress, begins to build, it hangs in the air, making it so obvious there's tension that even you, who are merely a person waiting for your godamned triple shot latte to be fucking finished and delivered steaming hot, get worked up for nothing. Well, you're affected by the confusion of the barristas by the fact you have to wait longer for your latte than usual. Which sucks.

But even the people there aren't right. Tourists, not regulars, people who don't know you're supposed to enter in the second door, the rear door, to get in line parallel to the long counter. but no. they go in the middle door, and then try to inadvertently cut in line. "Oh, did i cut in front of you?"
"why yes, you did, you snot-faced khaki pants wearing smug mother fucker. no problem though. have a nice day."
("bitch")

it sucks when you are surrounded by amateurs at the coffee joint. peets is damn good coffee but i tell you, i'm looking forward to going back to my routine downtown peets. that one rocked. in and out in no time. they are fast, faster anyway, than potrero hill locale.

big booty bitches.

the xlr8r party the other night at that new club mezzanine was just alright. i mean, i am down with the xlr8r team and all, but that club didn't seem like it was the right fit for the occasion. i can see how it was chosen though. new club on the scene, hasn't necessarily developed its character yet (though it seems to be more of a gay club) and probably cheaper to rent than say 1015 or dna lounge, which are of comparable size. that's a weird club. i'd like to go back on a regular night and see what happens. size up the joint. give it the ol' college try. you know the drill.

yeah, that was stupid of me to miss bjork friday night. but i guess i didn't try very hard either. dunno why. Oh well. Oh well.
anyway, cex sucked. bad choice first of all.
second, blaktroniks were pretty good but to follow after cex. well that sucked.
so it wasn't their fault but i wasn't as primed.
then, tino corp. which was kind of lackluster too. lame altogether in fact.
so what can you do.

chut up.


saturday, the goils went shopping and tina and i hung at doug and candace's for a bit. which was nifty.
then we did something, did we not.
did we go to ti couz that night? i think we did.
no, ti couz was friday

saturday, what happened. oh yeah we met them on haight street. at hobson's choice.
andrew's, phone booth, doc's clock, parked on mission, tried to go to baobob, so we ate at charanga, marc's party on saturday, which was amazing.
beautiful. great time had by all at that event. real testament to their 16 years of togetherness. something very special that we enjoyed. definitely unlike any event i've ever been to. a celebration of love. what a wonderful thing.
seriously.


alcatraz and hukilau was on sunday. then marin headlands, golden gate and the like. we drove all around the bay area, the yay area.
when we stopped at this vista point late in the afternoon, overlooking the golden gate, we couldn't figure out what language those people were speaking. italian? portuguese? i just don't know donna.

alcatraz was smaller than i imagined. strange place that's for sure. kinda creepy. yet...more just interesting. the cells were very tiny. the audio tear really helped. i liked that you heard actual voices of men that stayed there. the clanking of the different rooms. it was odd. yes.

it's new music time
yes, it's true. more batches of pop goodness.
i do this because you won't have to.

the new Edie Brickell (you remember her...paul simon's wife? "What i am is what am...." that nifty song she played with the Bohemians back in the day.
pretty substandard, boring, whatever nonsense. not memorable. song is called "rush around." from the "volcano" album. fuck you.

next up is Jessica Simpson's "Sweetest Sin." oh yeah baby. reminds me a lot of christina aguilera. it's not bad. good sweepiness. good pop song.

John Mayer "Bigger than my body" - sounds a LOT like dave matthews, amazingly so. the little guitar breakdown sounds like it could be a cheesy cure radio tune. weird bridge in the middle. not very good at all.

mary j. blige "Ooh!" from "Love & Life" - decent, whatever, eh. lesbian love song with little oomph. i dig on some mary j. but...this ain't doing much.


which brings us to the new Dave Matthews single "Gravedigger" from the album 'some devil" coming out sept. 25. it's not the DMB this time. more guitar basic orientation. wow, this is kind of different for dm. hmm, i think i may like the acoustic version better than the real version, which seems almost too dense, too much going on.
the acoustic thing includes some strings, violins or cellos, as well as the acoustic guitar.
his vocals are strange in both versions. kinda snarly. not nearly as sedate as he usually seems. interesting story song. i dunno. it won't make me buy his album.

--a circus trapeze artist plunged to her death the other day. That would have sucked.

now listening to Jaga Jazzist "A Livingroom hush" - very strange. very odd sound. intriguing.
a bit offbeat that's for sure. dinner music for aliens. wow, really love the strings with the flutes and brisk beats, wow this is a strange sound.

and i still need to listen to Gotan Project.

currently listening to right this very minute:
Verve: Remixed 2 features modern remixes of old jazz tunes by all the stalwarts (dizzy gillespie, nina simone, Oscar Brown Jr., Ella Fitzgerald, Astrud Gilberto, etc)...remixes by funky lowlives, felix da housecat, gotan project, matthew herbert, layo & bushwacka, mr. scruff, fila brazillia, metro area, dj spinna, koop. it'll do well.

punch me, i'm sick.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

fifty nifty

1. good pot in a glass bong.

2. cutter, the insect repellant

3. "The Story & Songs of The Wizard Of Oz" CD - All the
crucial dialogue and all the songs, especially the double
shot of "The Lullaby League & The Lollipop Guild." And it
moves much faster on audio. !

4. (guilty pleasure of the month) Asia "Asia" - i know i'll
get crucified for throwing this up, but goddamn, tracks
like "Sole Survivor" and "Wildest Dreams" are pretty
intricate, with their sweeping "feel-it-in-your-chest"
guitars and multi-tracked vocal harmonies. i had completely
forgotten about them until last year's "anthologia" was
passed to me at work recently. everything else they
released sucks ass, sappy prog rock at its worst, but for
one brief shining moment, they had something....plus they
remind me of early mtv days...

5. Black box recorder "Passionoia" - amazingly good lyrics
and exceptional production. plus it's dancey too.
dance party for sure.

good evening.

tP

Thursday, July 31, 2003

i fucking love verve.
the verve.
though i've always resisted the "the" part, because it was foisted upon them by the jazz label of the same name.
i mean, come on, people knew the difference.
ah well.
not really something to get angry about, i suppose. but isn't that what this is all about? overanalyzation and such?

fucking pigs.
there was a very intense gentleman yesterday sporting a macworld badge and obviously having some sort of issue. "I'm not a homeless person" he persisted, before giving me a chance to size him up and down.
fucking weird. wanting to know where city towing was. i'm assuming he was from out of town and got his car towed. well dude....you need to chill out.
first.
this is san francisco after all. christ.

i hope you feeeel like iiiiiiii feeeeel.
"weeping willow"

yes yes.
ok, i have mucho work to do. and you know that's the right ticket.

jesus. is porridge.

butt

Monday, July 21, 2003

Morning Drivetime
By Tim Pratt


Woke up this morning, feeling fine...Something tells me i'm into something good.
Herman's Hermit's

i find myself singing this song this morning as i'm greeted with one of the more chipper Mondays I've encountered in some time.
Every interaction i've had this morning has been unusually cheerful, cordial and just plain "Woo Hoo" (which seems to be the hot new catchphrase of the moment).

i was thinking to myself as i walked up into here that "damn, there's always a lot of people hanging out waiting in front of Ross Dress For Less each day. Always women. That's interesting."

Second, i was thinking that people like talk radio in the morning because it can be comforting, a way to cheer you up when you're just waking up.
Hence, the popularity of say, someone like Howard Stern...who i was waaay into while i was living in grand rapids...don't ever listen to him now. though i always did like him and i'm sure i could start getting into it again.
but i like listening to NPR and the news, KCBS is another one i listen to for "traffic and weather together."
I both love hate Joe McConnell with traffic. i have no reason to actually dislike the man. just the cheerful regard for this man that dutifully reports on the conditions of our traffic. seems as if most of the morning traffic has been pretty light this summer. everybody is out of town or taking long weekends. busier days are probably tuesday through thursday, but still, traffic hasn't been as bad during this summer.

anyway, happy happy. rollling into the parking lot at like 9;18am, when i'm supposed to be at work at 9 a.m. or thereabouts...:)
yeah yeah.
all my friends know they need to lie to me 30-60 minutes when wanting to get me to be somewhere. i'm just not an on-time guy. so if you want me to be at your house at 7pm., tell me i need to be at your house at 6pm.
seriously.
though i do occasionally show up at the time requested and then realize that nobody else has arrived as of yet for said activity.
woe is me.
right?
so yeah, ol' lavette and that other cherub-like blonde girl at my peet's coffee were telling me "don't go down to ny bagel and get a bagel, stay here with us!!" even lavette, who i think is interesting, said something to me.
that's something i suppose.
but me, being pretty much solidly out of it at the moment - i mean, damn it's monday morning - i am not the most talkative fellow.
but it made me smile nonetheless.

the guy i almost ran into as he was walking commandently (is that a word?) toward me out of jamba juice, then we did that where we both move to the same side, do the "ha ha, sorry needlenose" that we are trying to pass each other but just can't do it because we suck.
then that moment is over, lost forever.
or is it?

then...overhearing people being excessively cheerful. the lack of line at peet's was nice as well.
happiness.

the girls that sit near me seem especially giddy this morning, talking about their respective weekends. those girls are so mysterious.
and what is the name of the elusive office manager? he always makes it a point to say "hi tim." not just "hi" and then i always respond with "how are you?" lame i realize. but this is what happens when you're bad with names (which, i have come to realize, is a VERY popular conversation here in San Francisco. seems we're all drug-taking, short-term-memory-lacking, confused-arty-self-obsessive-sometimes-shy-mother-fuckers.
or something close to that.
i think i just deconstructed half of this damn city.
i'm going to be your next mayor. Tim Pratt, chilling in Room 200 *which i've come to realize is spoken with nearly the same reverence as people refer to "1600 Pennsylvania Ave." or "Bleeker Street" in England (where the PM lives??? - that's not right)

i'm in computer limbo right now, which sucks frijoles, which means i must call billy sirr since he doesn't seem to be responding to my inquiries.
tomorrow night is molly and ted's marriage related event.
that will be enjoyable.
surely.

assuredly.

i'll do a go-round of cds and then do the cover letter. i figured this would be the place to do the cover letter. especially on this machine. yes?
yes.

Initial listens today:
Mousse T - "Gourmet De funk" (smarmy french funk, definitely european, some good, like the "johnny come home" reworking by fine young cannibals, but not great)

Haujobb "Vertical theory" (metropolis) - not that good but just one track in. ok, onto third track, because it's pretty shitty. vocals are very bad.
too robotic to the point of stupid, samples from "alien" the android.

i notice a lot of the christian singles have several different versions of the same song.. rap is consistent in its acappellas, clean and explicit versions, but christian ones are "intro edit," "intro edit/vocal up" and others.
fun.

taking a temporary break form listening to the DJ spinna mix from "suite 903" 35 tracks! damn...it's like R&B female vocalists. right now goapele from oaktown.

but yeah, i listened to jars of clay's "flood" which is a decent song, a rarity among the overly earnest christian rock set.

what is it about christian rock and their obsession with writing so many songs about the exact same subject matter? some could say "secular music is all about love, sex and whatever" and that is partially true. but come on, christian music is so adamantly all about worshipping, serving, and such. here are some song titles from the band Mercy Me: I worship you, on my way to you, bless me indeed, house of god, call to worship, in you.
even better on the christian tip are these varying versions: ac radio mix (2), ac/inspiriational mix, chr radio mix (2)

pinnacle my ass.

12:01 p.m.
Brother, can you spare a dime?
bitch.
Still riding out the wave that is DJ Spinna's smoooooooooooooth R&B mix, super relaxed kinda vibe, the sort of thing you listen to sipping fruity cocktails by the pool after a long hard night of fucking/drinking/dancing/fucking.
get those kegels back in shape.
not sure if i am totally down with this mix. it's ok.
i like that christina aguilera track. i should just get her damn album already. i can't believe i sort of like aguilera.
peaches christ needs to be crucified. how many movies are left, dammit?
damn, dj spinna changes tracks like every 2 minutes. we're on track 31. jazzanova's "soon" featuring your friend and mine, vikter duplaix. that smooth dude from philly. bass.
love your money
money money


memory flash of puking just as i was about to make out with my arch enemy conservative chick i worked with at kinko's.

i'm simultaneously reminded of the lunch room at stoney creek, buying chocolate milk in those little half pints. quality creamery, was the brand. always liked milk.

and earlier this morning, must have been at peets or someone that walked by me, who had on a perfume very similar to the one i always associated with susan lake.
and i had a dream that i was kissing or being kissed by darcy, tina's old pal from back in the day.

Now, i'm listening to the Suite 903 Fader second disc, featuring Mark Rae (Grand Central Records, outta the UK). British hip-hop is a little bit different


last week was a killer for me.
fuck, the bank screwed me and charged me waaay too much for shit.
or we have the fact that i dropped my longtime bowl and broke it. i'm down to one left now.
and i have puncho on brain. fuck your milk.

love,
bacon

Friday, July 18, 2003

nobody writes in cursive anymore. it's dying.

listening to: BT "Emotional Technology" - i'm no fan of him but it's surprisingly ok. shit, rose mcgowan is on here singing. she cowrote a track with brian. the production is especially clean.

and here's the unedited version of my Lollapalooza story, that ran in the detroit free press today (http://www.freep.com/entertainment/music/loll18_20030718.htm):

By Tim Pratt

In the summer of 1991, when the outlandish Perry Farrell, lead vocalist for the band Jane's Addiction, announced he was launching a new kind of festival called "Lollapalooza" featuring multiple stages and a wide variety of bands, carnival-style sideshows and other oddities, he was largely met with indifference and skepticism from the music industry.
The ambitious traveling circus-like festival featured an incredibly wide array of musical acts, including: the gothic sounds of Siouxsie and the Banshees, the edgy political rock of Living Colour, the fiery, sinewy newcomers Nine Inch Nails, the raucous funk-rock of Fishbone, the controversial rapper Ice-T, as well as the Violent Femmes, Butthole Surfers and Rollins Band.
The 26-date tour, which became Jane's swan song before they disbanded, grossed almost $9 million. Suddenly, everyone knew what Lollapalooza meant: the sound of a new generation of music fans, disenchanted with the status quo. Within a year, Nirvana, Pearl Jam and the whole Seattle grunge movement was the hot thing and the 1992 tour -- featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Ice Cube and others -- was the face of the new style.
For the next several years, the tour forged ahead to varying degrees of success, while other tours such as H.O.R.D.E., OzzFest and Lilith Fair co-opted the traveling circus-style concert format that Lollapalooza initiated.
But by 1996, the tour had begun to lose its luster, with Metallica in the unlikely position of headlining the "alternative" festival (Farrell officially broke off from the festival). And so after the '97 jaunt, Lollapalooza was no more.
"It was time to give it a rest," says William Morris Agency's Adam Schneider, manager of Jane's Addiction and a co-producer of Lollapalooza. "At the outset, we were the only touring musical festival but then came along H.O.R.D.E., OzzFest, Smokin' Grooves and all the radio station festivals. It came down to basic economics."

Now, six years later, the re-energized Farrell and Jane's Addiction are back at the helm of Lollapalooza, armed with a powerful new album ("Strays," out Tuesday) and an impressive main stage lineup (including Queens of The Stone Age, Incubus, Audioslave, Jurassic 5 and the Donnas), in an attempt to revive the highly influential tour again.
But is this the same Lollapalooza your older siblings attended? Sort of. The 2003 version has a similar type of underdog feel the inaugural tour had, which includes three interactive videogame areas, a second stage of up-and-coming bands, interaction with attendees with artists via text messaging and ways to win prizes (such as backstage passes) and dozens of information booths and other activities.
Festival organizers, say they opted to re-launch Lollapalooza because, as Farrell says "the musical climate and timing is right."
"There were multiple factors in bringing back Lollapalooza. First, the return of Jane's as a recording entity. Lollapalooza was very appealing to Perry and the band on a personal level," Schneider says. "Second was the notion that the festival brought musicians together in a certain cultural attachment with an audience uninterested in what's being played on the radio.
"And third, Perry had this idea about interactivity and text messaging, something he's been working on for years, but it's only now that the technology is there. We're going to have questions about the artists, the environment on screens the fans can interact with in real time.
"But ultimately, this is a music festival first and foremost, like a party. And to be a good party host, you want to show people a good time. That's our mission."

But can the tour bounce back after a five-year hiatus, especially with this being one of the more dismal concert seasons in years?
Thus far, there haven't been any sellouts and some venues have reported half capacity. And thopening date scheduled for July 3 in Ionia was cancelled controversially (organizers say the date was cancelled due to production issues, though the venue -- which hosts several concerts each year for its Ionia Free Fair -- disputes that claim).

"We have an overcrowded market touring right now, and an uncertain economy. They're coming back from a long hiatus and have to re-establish themselves, so I don't know if they even expected to do sell-outs," says Gary Bongiovanni, Editor-In-Chief of Pollstar magazine, an industry periodical that monitors ticket sales and concert tours.
"These big touring festivals like Lollapalooza or OzzFest are artist-driven, with a creative force that has conceptualized the event. Artists will play for less money than for some commercial promotor. Look at Lilith Fair, which had a talent like Sheryl Crow. She did it because she liked what Sarah (McLachlan) was doing. OzzFest is kind of the same way, which has a history for acts playing for reasons other than the almighty dollar."
In fact, organizers say sales are about where they expected them to be.
"It would be misleading to say this is a banner tour year, but Detroit's going to be good," Schneider says.
Indeed, there are no complaints from organizers about the Detroit date, with presale tickets of more than 10,000 already sold, according to Jeff Corey, Director of public relations for Palace Sports & Entertainment.
But organizers say they are much more concerned with providing an enjoyable and unique concert environment.
"We're very confident any kid is going to have a great time," Schneider says. "The Lollapalooza name connotes a real connection, no matter how many people are coming through the door. We are committed to giving our 'clients,' as Perry calls them, a great time. We'd love to bring it back but we're just focusing on this year right now."

Kelly Brown, longtime on-air personality at Windsor alt-rock radio station 89X (88.7 FM), says she�s attended every Lollapalooza tour and is very excited about its return, though she's unsure if it will make as much of an impact on youth culture.
"I don't think it will ever grasp what it was in the past, but I think that the people that still go really like something other than the norm," Brown says. "So much pop crap is being shoved down our throats right now; Lollapalooza is a refreshing change.
"The return of Lollapalooza means a great deal to me. I love the diversity of the festival and the new music. Perry always puts on an interesting show -- not just with the hottest bands of the moment but also with the booths, merchandise and tech stuff."

For Detroit's James Wailin, who attended all but the final installment of the original tour and is planning to go today, Lollapalooza was a way to be exposed to a wide variety of music. And he's happy it's back.
"I was always exposed to something new," says Wailin, lead singer of Detroit band the Reefermen. "It was a good move to put some of the hip-hop acts on there, introducing it to white urban America.
" I don't know the whole lineup for this one, but if you put the Lollapalooza name on it, you know there's going to be a whole day of quality entertainment on one stage or another. It's just a fun festival to go hang out for the day."
And for some artists performing on the tour, the return of Lollapalooza is a sign that music is evolving and people are frustrated with the norm.
"It's a pretty big deal for us because all four of us went together in '93 and '94, when we were about 14 to check out bands like the Beastie Boys and Babes in Toyland," says Brett Anderson, lead vocalist of the Bay Area all-female quartet the Donnas. "We don't want to be total dorks but it is totally amazing -- it's a pretty big deal for us. We're pinching ourselves every day.
"But I think the situation in music is a lot worse because bands are more dependent on labels and (vice versa). Kids don't have the money to go to every show that comes around, so this is a great way to see a lot of music. There's a real positive feeling among all the bands."

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Shitstorm


i work with a lot of engineers, programmers and other such folk. which means that the majority of the people i work with are male.
this isn't about sexism, this is reality. engineers tend to be male.

therefore, i can lay all the blame on them when i say they are fucking gross when it comes to bathroom hygiene.

the men's bathroom here is so nasty.


they flush the toilet about a third of the time, and yes, this includes both the urinals (which are rarely flushed) to even the actual stalls. it's a regular occurrence to find remnants of another humans big piles of shit still sitting in the toilet. apparently, they just can't be bothered with flushing the toilet. maybe they're grossed out by touching the flush handle?

that excuse is somewhat forgiveable when talking of the urinals.

still, i fucking hate viewing and smelling the rancid stench of multiple pisstakes all sitting in the botttom of the urinal.

gross is hardly the only word that comes to mind but it'll do.

but with stalls, man, you gotta flush. use the bottom of your shoe.

you know? christ. puto.

i mean, once in a while is cool but this is a regular occurrence, the finding of piss and shit still sitting in the toilet for the lucky next customer.


this is the same bathroom that has the following amenities:
the ability to run out of toilet paper fairly often. these programmers eat a lot of shitty food while staring at their computers for 18 hours a day. hence, they take a lot of dumps.

so apparently the custodial staff can't keep up with the shitstorm. i can think of few things worse than NOT noticing there's not a single square of toilet paper until after the defecation sequence is completed, awaiting clean-up on the center aisle.

but it has happened. i won't go into the graphic details but it's not pretty or the least bit funny. ok, it's a little funny afterward.

but come on, keep the toilet paper spooled, mother fuckers.


Another problem is that the floor bathroom contains just two stalls, a regular closed-in kind and a deluxe extra-large and in charge suite-like stall located near the windows. while ridding yourself of yesterday's unessential broken down solids, one can gaze out the window as the fog envelops Sutro Tower, or across the street, nearly eye-level with the construction workers as they continue working and building the latest set of condominiums. ah, the lovely growth of san francisco. but we'll save that rumination for another tale.

for the longest time, most of the windows (there are several) weren't smoked or covered in the slightest, giving anyone working in the building across the street a good view of your shit-laden ass or at least, can see that you're sitting down enjoying a good dump while reading the newspaper and cleaning your glasses.

even better, because of where the building sits, the late afternoon beams brightly through. this means that if one is sitting the adjacent shit-stall, one can easily see the shadow of the person in the next stall as they primp, poop and ponder on the throne. seriously strange. i thought of this a few weeks ago, as i sat on the deluxe stall, noticing that my shadow was located directly on the floor of the stall next to me.

so recently, when i was denied the deluxe stall and settled for the shit-stall, i could see the outline of the dude next to me doing all the fun things you never want anyone to see.

yes, bathrooms are fun.


btw, what's up with the toilet paper in public restrooms and its inability to roll off effortlessly from the roll? Instead, you�re given a couple squares at a time, which does NOT do you or anyone else any favors. sure, i can understand how one might want to save on toilet paper�and therein, could solve the toilet paper shortage problem at our facility, but when you're sitting there, the day after you consumed lots of PBR and two big Taquiera meals, you need as much paper as possible. and that can be trouble, my friend. Yanking two or three squares at a time just does not work. You need a big wad to really do a decent job, at least for the first few go-rounds.
And i'm not a folder, but a wadder anyway, so i use more than necessary to ensure cleanliness as much as can be done.
Blame my mother for teaching me to be a wadder. amazing how something like that can have such a longterm effect on one's habits.

seriously.

all of this reminds me of why i have opted to move my shitstorm to the bathroom downstairs, the much more spacious, much less used, 2nd floor men's bathroom. Being that this is a very difficult subject, i've yet to tell anyone about all the nice bathroom and all the cool shit.
Because�it's all about shit, the act of shitting, excreting and related tomfoolery, necessary for us humans to push on and move forward.

Now, in new surroundings, i can relax, bring along a good magazine or newspaper and kick back, knowing i have much less to fear and more stalls to choose from (i usually use the same stall, because it's safely ensconced between the large and in charge handicapped stall -- of which i feel guilty using on a regular basis in the event a wheelchair bound person would roll in, needing the stall for an emergency, and i'm in there, midway through my 20-minute read). And it's always a cleaner environment. Smells nice too. Well, relatively speaking.


There is only one downside: the timer light.

I've been unlucky to be caught with my pants down, reading an amazing story, only to find the lights turned off on me, without having finished my necessary toilet paper cleaning.

I find it's much harder to do the wiping in the dark. i mean, of course i can do it � it�s not like i can actually see my ass while wiping anyway � but you need that light for comfort purposes. Plus you can assess when you're wiping has been completed.

Which is even more important.


You know, all this bathroom talk reminds me of some recent toilet interaction � two toilets i recently encountered that confounded me.

first the men's bathroom at the luna lounge on 8th and folsom (formerly Border Cantina). You walk in to the bathroom and to your left are two somewhat private urinals to use, somewhat blocked by a wall. no problem.

but directly in front of you, as you first walk in to the bathroom itself, sits one lonely toilet bowl. No walls. Just a toilet. So i feel extra sorry for the person who needs it for an emergency because, not only would you be shitting in front of anyone that wanders in (not to mention the toilet sits awfully close to the sink - yucko), but anyone who opens the damn door would be greeted by a friendly soul grunting away on the can.
not much in the way of privacy. basically, i think they were forced by law to include an actual toilet so they put it in the worst place possible.


the kind folks at Slim's have taken a somewhat different approach to this problem. the upstairs men's bathroom has two or three standard urinals to the right as you walk in, the sink directly in front of you. from the doorway, the upper right corner of the bathroom has the toilet bowl sitting in the corner, protected by something that�s not quite a shower curtain but hangs from a series of hooks in the ceiling and is moveable. the toilet still sits fairly close to the sink but the half-circle curtain is able to at least protect the potential shitter from people seeing him...and nobody from the outside could accidentally get a viewing, unlike luna lounge.

but still, the buffer zone is quite slight. if you're feeling especially stinky, you're not going to be able to slow the stench. not that you can really do that in normal bathroom stalls either. but you at least FEEL like it provides an extra bit of buffer zone action.