Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I'm Out Baby

Exit, stage left.
Temple of Gravity, 2003

Delicious Again, Peter.

Mind your manners while I'm away or you may have to answer to her:

I'll be back in a week.
Or so.

Don't forget to floss.

Bonus!: This is my 600th post of PaperSpray.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

VMAs examined live, because you demanded it

i need to contribute to society.
i need to be part of mainstream pop culture.
i need to be part of now, fuckers.

green day opened the show.
i can't help it. i like that song, boulevard of broken dreams.
good pop hooks, it happens.
who would have thought green day would have ever gotten so huge?
fucked up.
i've always been an indifferent fan.
i liked 'longview'.

ashlee simpson is such a joke. she's so desperate for approval, it's pathetic.
i don't care if she's successful, desperation reeks from her.
now she's a blond.
just like her big sister.
she's way more fucked up.
jessica is just hot and kinda dumb.

r. kelly is such a creepy wierdo.
what is up with this 'in the closet' crap?

Diddy just made a bit of fun of himself for changing his name so many damn times.
i think it was a smart move, actually.
good work, diddy's handlers. nice one.
thumbs up.

the killers just performed swathed in decadence on a clear stage above a pool.
so miami.
i've been to miami and for some reason, i can give miami some slack, because it's so brazenly superficial, it's hilarious.

jeremy piven just brought up the fact that lil' kim is about to go to jail, with lil' kim right next to her.
fuuuuucked up.
i sort of like jeremy piven, now hip because of 'entourage.'
jeremy is suggesting conjugal visits.
lil kim is a plastic surgery creation.
everything on her is fake.
hell, jeremy piven used to be very bald.
his piece/surgery looks real though.
remember, he was the guy who was playing George Costanza in the Seinfeld pilot they did for nbc in season 3.
hilarity ensues.

money money money money money.
that's what this awards show is all about.
ludacris just won best rap video.

i kinda like the setup where the winners have to walk amidst fans a long way.
shows they are worshipped.
reality is fucking hilarity.
or i should say, "reality."

"it's about damn time," says ludacris. and then thanks his Management Company first.
popular music is a corporate creation now.
not that i should have said "now."

god bless my sandwich

6:41 p.m.
Snoop is on the stage right now with Diddy, trying to show his hugeness by pulling out his talked about 'surprise' performance, basically him conducting an orchestra with what i think is the Notorious B.I.G.'s lyrical goodness over the soundsystem.
Poor Puff Daddy. Always trying to seek approval.

now johnny knoxville is on screen with rapper Common.
or as he just said, 'my man johnny knox,' some random freestyle mix.
a bit weird.
weird reaction.
they showed 50 cent. listening.
Poor Common. Always trying to seek approval.

but yeah, that Diddy thing was odd. the whole B.I.G thing and his, um, guilt(?) about it?
i ain't saying anything.
i'm just tossing it out.

funny, a rock band just won viewers choice.
in a sea of hip-hopped-ness, the fallout boys won?
question: is hip-hop on the wane?
is it over?
i'm a writer.
throwing out random questions that actually mean nothing to society as a whole.
but dammit, i feel responsible for asking these so very important questions.
because, if i don't, how will you go on?
how can you continue to live?
this is all so very fucking important.
i tell you that.
so very fucking important.
chew on that, sneaker eating bitches.

8 p.m.
green day is viewer's choice.
it's official.
i'm a journalist.
i fucking study this shit.
america is rock again.
that's it.

your grandma hates me

i' ve been watching this show with the sound off of late.
see, i needed my own soundtrack.
here tis current soundtrack, yo: Atttention-Getting Ploy to See What I'm Listening to in Real Time.
you understand.
you being the 2nd person.
that i'm writing in.
dammit, don't you care about america?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Hard Times

Things have been extremely difficult in my world of late.
please stand by as i try to stay afloat.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Fire, Walk With Poo

I've been very busy this week with too much crap and not enough no. 2 pencils.
People like you hate me. It's just in your nature.
With that stupid intro, i give you the illustrious links that have flooded my being throughout this tortured week of doom.
Remember, it's better to receive than to give.
A penny earned is not a penny saved.
A stitch in time saves mine.
And Don Cornelius loves your gravy train.

The Poop Walker
This could be the greatest story of all mankind. I was trying to imagine the poop walker happily playing in the poop farm.
This only goes to prove that most humans are kind, understandable creatures with a lot going for them.

My mirror image rules.

With all this talk of wars, fighting people, and the normal human tendency for competitiveness, why haven't we addressed the real problems strangling our society?
Which is better?
Port-o-Let vs. Port-o-Sans
This guy has already done some analysis. Thank you for your candor, mister.

Cake ice cream cones are way better than sugar cones.
that's what i say.

Just in time for America, Hello Kitty headlamps

Free Wi-Fi? Get Ready for GoogleNet
i like free things.

Redneck movie for the children
As long as your children were birthed by your sister or cousin.
I wonder if these people voted for Bush?
Actually, i wonder if these people know who Bush is. Or what voting is.

Die, You Miserable Bitch
I'm not saying it, this guy is. Pretty big meanie, i would say.

Police seek diaper-clad man who pesters women
I wonder what diaper man is doing right now.

Someone Tell the President the War Is Over
This is an amazing column. I love Frank Rich.

Urine Scientists invent pee-powered battery
well, it's about damn time. Man. I've been storing all this pee up for a while now.

Creepy Cams Abound in NYC
Smile, we're watching you. Say cheese-covered buttcake.

Music Industry Worried About CD Burning
Yeah, me too. I'm worried i'm going to run out of CDs to burn so i can give them to all my friends. The music industry is filled with pigs.

Mac Melee!
I'm glad people are showing restraint in this topsy-turvy world we live in. Pigs.

This website rules the world
As does this one.
My inner child thanks you while my outer child continues to pout.
Be sure to listen to the various jingles on the Basic Chip website, especially A Man Could Get Killed.

New albums on the way for your dad
My dad hates the last Sigur Ros album because he thinks they've sold out.

This will help the anti-war movement.
Parents of Fallen Marine Make Plea to Bush

Celibate Celebs: Some Aren't Promiscuous
I think celibacy isn't actually real, but a ruse foisted upon us by Emperor Hirohito.

Cows fed marijuana to help them chill out.
Can't wait to try some of their milk, dude.

Drug dealer must forfeit lottery winnings
How lucky/unlucky can you be? Bummer for the coke dealer.

Google unites Blogger and Microsoft Word
This soooo rocks! I've tried it and it's quite cool.

The Corpse Bride
Oh, Tim Burton, you have shown us the way once again. I love creepy shit, especially dead brides with maggots popping out their rotted eyeballs.
Zombies so do rule 2005.

No sex please, we're repressed
Those funny Chinese sure are funny.

And this just in ...
Woman critically burned in downtown S.F. explosion
Thankfully, this wasn't a terrorist plot, just a plot against Ralph Lauren.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Cereal Killer

I could eat cereal for nearly every meal. .

And i often do.
Apparently, other people think the same way i do.
It's Saturday morning all the time- 'Cereality' founders think outside the box and bring people together
I would definitely patronize a fine establishment such as that. Though, they better have plenty of Quisp cereal for me. We can't forget the delicious taste of Quisp!

There is lots of cool cereal-related stuff online.
The Empty Bowl is "The Definitive Source For All Your Cereal News," or so they say. Actually, it is pretty informative.
Topher's Breakfast Cereal Character Guide has a good rundown of all the weird cereal characters through the years, like Tusk the Elephant, a scholarly chocolate-colored elephant who wore glasses and sang the praises of Kellogg's Cocoa Krispies.
Topher is apparently also responsible for The Boxtop, a good cereal netletter. I mean, hell, i forgot all about Cookie Jarvis, (right), the magical Cookie Crisp cereal wizard.
How To Pick A Breakfast Cereal is an informative page about which cereals are good and bad for you.
Of course, so many that i like are on the shitlist (i'm a bit surprised that my beloved Rice and Corn Chex cereal are on the BAD list - thankfully, Wheat Chex is still on the good one) but what can you do. Other than cry.
And here's a short History of Breakfast Cereals, though, the The Early Days of Breakfast Cereal is also quite good.

Pimp out your site yo
White writers really need to stop with the 'bling-bling' usage. It's so bad.

Keep track of your confusing life
if you're of those people who write down your to-do lists on Post-Its, which you promptly lose, this is a viable alternative.
just don't lose the URL!

Free electronic downloads from xlr8r magazine
some good stuff here, like Mutamassik, Some Water and Sun ... and how can you deny a band whose name is Jackson and his Computer Band.
come on now.

M.B.A. Students Bypassing Wall Street for a Summer in India
The tide is beginning to turn toward Asia already.

Laugh and cry for kicks
A whole bunch of recordings of people laughing and crying.
it is true, when you listen to enough people laughing, it can be quite difficult to restrain at least a smile/chuckle/guffaw/snicker.
laughing is contagious, and a contagion too. maybe.

Study: Web site's appearance matters
Your web site looks like crap. change it.

Google's Boycott Misses the Mark
more than a bit ironic considering Cnet obtained the information in question about Google's CEO by Googling him.
And others think Google needs to be MORE evil
the investors talking, see.

CBGB's survives
For some reason, i was never worried it was going away.
However, the NY Times' Jon Pareles wrote a rather convincing article saying that maybe CBGB's should close.
You Want Punk Rock? Close CBGB, Say Goodbye

New words for you and yours.
Potty-mouthed? New English words are just lush

Could be that dad is not real father, report shows
1 out of every 25 dads could be raising a child that's not their own, unknowingly.
that's some crazy shit!

$100 Million Moon Trip: Space Tourism's Hot Ticket?
Start saving your pennies.

Roiling Stones stick it to Bush
pretty great, though i still think the Rolling Stones should have retired a long time ago.

Census: Texas newest state where minorities are the majority
wake up, times are a-changin'.

Who's the Comedian? He Looks Like a Kid, but Andy Milonakis Is MTV's Funnyman of the Moment
i can't believe Andy Milonakis is actually 29 years old.
It really changes how to take his humor, for sure, knowing he's actually not a teen.

Monkeys are good people shirt

Verizon Wireless Fixes Web Site Vulnerabilities: Glitches Allowed Online Viewing of Other Customers' Data
that woulda sucked. especially since i have verizon.

Weekend Bay Bridge backups coming: Replacement of skyway in S.F. will lead to closures
Looks like i'll be heading over to the East Bay even less than i do now, unless i take BART. so lame. Or there's always the San Mateo bridge...

rock paper scissors - origin!
though i always hated that game. i always thought it was stupid.

Beck remixed by Royksopp
i LOVE the new Ladytron track (sound quality is iffy, though, but a good taste of the the new album)
Video by Deathray Davies is great
Thanks to Smudge of Ashen Fluff for three links above.

DJ Beaten For Playing Too Much 'Gay Music'
That George Michael will do it to you every time.

Gwen Stefani vs. Front 242, "HollabackHeadhunter"
"One - You lock the target
Two - You bait the line
Three- You slowly spread the net
And four - You catch the man"

Jerk-O-Meter Rates Phone Chatter
ooh, i can't wait for this! Sweet.

'Big Fish' Actor Matthew McGrory Dies
Kind of a sad story about Matthew McGrory, who was just 32 years old and died of natural causes. Obviously, being 7 feet 6 inches tall isn't exactly natural. Kind of a sad story, really. He was most recently in Rob Zombie's new movie, The Devil's Rejects. And here is McGrory's website.

And speaking of death, i only recently learned about the death of Thurl Ravenscroft (great name, huh?), best known for being the voice of Tony The Tiger for Kellogg's Frosted Flakes (i have a box at home, Grrrreeeeaat!) and, of course, the man who sang "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" in Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
Godspeed Thurl, Godspeed!

This will make you quite uncomfortable
Don't say i didn't warn you.

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
- Robert Heinlein

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

You Are The Sun

Indeed, it is an exciting moment if you're a Boards of Canada fanatic like myself.
We have the album cover and a name, The Campfire Headphase.
The Gods be praised.
BOC's album is to be released October 18 in the U.S. -- my birthday! -- and the 17th in Europe.
The fact that it's being released on my birthday is a sign, i tell you.
The WAITING will kill me.
A friend and i were just discussing making the inaugural listen something special.
He mentioned getting some headphones and heading out to the woods somewhere.
I'm definitely thinking the same sort of kickoff. Maybe i'll head up to Marin Headlands, atop Mt. Tam, or possibly somewhere overlooking the ocean.
It has to be somewhere fairly remote where i won't be easily disturbed by other humans.
Irregardless, it will be a glorious day.

BOC Supplemental (3 p.m.):
- Someone went nuts and did a track-by-track analysis of the various samples and sounds used by BOC on Geogaddi. Click here
- Here's another fan page, with tons of information, including a tracklisting for The Campfire Headphase


Ibrahim Ferrer Dies at 78
Wow, i'm actually bummed about this. The Cuban-born Ferrer was the soft-spoken little lady-killer who was a key member of the Buena Vista Social Club.
Ferrer was amazing and he'll be sorely missed. But i'm glad he was able to taste some level of fame, even if it was late in his life.
Here's another story about Mr. Ferrer, who was felled by emphysema.

Iffy on the Podcast Scene
I'm not convinced by all podcasts just yet.
I just spent some time listening to a couple of idiots going on and on and onnnn about how they worked so hard over the weekend to put up a privacy fence in their backyard.
If i was into landscaping, it may have been somewhat interesting but i was listening to MyMac podcast! i want to hear about Macs.
ah, i should have known better though.
I felt like i was eavesdropping on a conversation a couple of suburban idiots at the local Sizzler were having while keeping their harried wives at bay.
or maybe not.
Irregardless, let this be a lesson to you.
Be extremely discriminating in your podcast choices.
I have yet to find one i'm very much enamored with. They all seem to go on too long (hell, the iTunes podcasts usually clock in under 15 minutes and by about 10 minutes in, they're driving me crazy with boring-ness).
Me, i just deleted my subscription to the MyMac podcasts and said Fuzz You jackassess!
And speaking of podcasting, why not check out the first ever podcast from space, via Stephen Robinson, a Bay Area native. Cool.
Though now apparently there's online controversy about the fact that it technically wasn't a podcast. Whatever.
Shut up geeks. It's from space. Wasn't that cool enough?

Cooter takes on the Duke boys of Hazzard County
Yet another hilarious bit by The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert.
Note what Colbert calls Cooter the first time he's asking him questions.

I am digging New York band Morningwood's track
To the Nth Degree

Miss Kittin comes back to San Francisco

Men do have trouble hearing women, scientists find
Finally, science proves what we've always known.

Texas Man Aims to Visit Every Starbucks
Could you be more lame?

i want an unusual home too
The ones i liked best were the Simpsons home and the entire apartment covered in aluminum foil.

Extra daylight savings may confuse the gadgets: Some experts predict miniature Y2K scenario
Ooh, Y2K frenzy part II! Though i do think the daylight savings changes will affect some people at first. But it doesn't happen till 2007, so it's not like we don't have some prep time.

Riding with the urban mappers
Not only will this be amazing technology to leverage when shopping for an apartment, looking for a hotel, or simply a way to scout out somewhere, it'll give people an amazing tool.
This tell-tale quote from A9's VP says it all:
"I'd love to look back at this in 40 years and get a sense of what we've accomplished here. We'll probably be able to access historical data and do time-lapsed views of this block. I like to think we are bringing a new and valuable data set online." says Barnaby Dorfman.

Stealing your neighbor's Net
are we really getting in a tizzy that people are piggybacking wireless connections?
Let's make citywide wireless connections available to all and be done with it! why not? It makes so much sense.

How to listen to new music online for free
Decent article for newbies, i suppose, but there's a ton of links, so why not?

One in six Americans visiting blogs
Those aren't bad odds. I'm sure i'm getting all those people visiting here every day.
oh yeah.

Man Kills Another in Dispute Over War -- Press Calls It a First
um, wow.
of COURSE it was a Pro-War Guy who did the killing, though both of them did draw their pistols on each other.
This is weird. And frankly, i can't believe it's the first such death.
More like the first REPORTED death.

MONSTERS IN OUR MIDST: Destroying the World For Your Own Good — August 6, 1945
Pretty powerful stuff about our use of the atomic bomb 60 years ago.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Zombie Envy

Zombies infiltrated San Francisco the last weekend of July and i unfortunately missed all the gory details. However, there are plenty of pics at the link below to help you out with an account of all the humans that were devoured that fateful day.
Zombies rule
Zombie Video, including a harrowing account at the Apple Store! Several MacHeads were eaten raw while sitting in front of their beloved computers, trying to save them from certain destruction.
However, it seems the zombies are also discriminating computer users and left most of the Macs alone, as long as they were given a free iPod Mini to match whatever outfit they seemed to be wearing (ironically, most of them wanted pink or red ones, due to excessive blood smeared on their heads and bodies).
A personal Zombie account
God bless the zombies of the world. For they are God's great creation.

Dog beats man in Alcatraz Swim
once again proving that canines are better than humans at most things, except shit that requires the use of opposable thumbs. But other than that, dogs kick major ass.

An Encyclopedia of Claims, Frauds, and Hoaxes of the Occult and Supernatural
The Amazing Randi wants to help you seek the real truth about the supernatural and so now you can go forth and conquer.

Ipod boosts old-timey jukebox
people have some sort of imagination, i tell you what.

Now you too can be an important adviser to the land of the tomorrow, today.

this would explain the giant sailing ship i saw a couple weeks back

1000 views for you and yours
a plethora of pics the whole family won't enjoy.

Four dead in cockfight gone awry
Generally, if you're involved in an activity that spurs someone to throw a fucking grenade in the midst, it's probably not a party you want to be a part of.

Kraftwerk Videos

Coldcut and Kid Koala Live

Your Body Is Younger Than You Think
It's true. I'm actually 10 years old. But my head says 14.

the New Mighty Mouse!
not the same as the old Mouse, though i wonder if the theme song is similar.

Yoshimi Battles The Hip Hop Robots
The Kleptones take on the Flaming Lips' Yoshimi album

Drunk Cat
Cats with guns
These cats will destroy you. I guarantee it.

Metal keyboard
For those who can't have enough cool gadgetry.

S.Korean scientists create world's first cloned dog
I want a cloned dog. Actually, a cloned cat would be nice, come to think of it.
Go cloning, go!

Yahoo hears call of audio search
Yahoo Tests New Audio Search Feature

A potential Wedding Toast
by Katie Holmes's Former Best Friend

Hardee Har Har. Or so they say back on the Ranch.

5 kittens accidentally shipped to Vermont
Thankfully, they survived. Whew.

Cocaine residue in Italian water reveals more users than official estimates
first of all, who decided that this is a worthwhile study?
second, why do this? To prove people lie about doing drugs? ooh, big surprise. weird.
Here's more...
Rivers of Coke

CNN Suspends Novak After He Walks Off Set
It's funny, James Carville made an off-handed comment about his being in the center of the Valerie Plame controversy and Novak says 'That's bullshit!' and walks off the set?
Here's video.

Katherine Harris Says Newspapers `Colorized' Photographs, Distorting Her Makeup
Katherine Harris is insane.

Bush's approval rating for handling of Iraq at new low, 38 percent

Man killed in pot raid -- warden wounded; Big marijuana haul in Los Gatos hills
tell me again how this marijuana was harming society?
and sorry, i have no sympathy for the fish and game warden who was shot.
a man is dead. and for what? marijuana eradication?
how about stopping those terrorists you weak-ass bitches?
you're doing society QUITE a service, now aren't you.
good job, pissants.

For the love of Alma: Alzheimer's may be sneaking up on Roosevelt Peay's wife, but Roosevelt's devotion remains steadfast.
This is a sad yet heartwarming story about an older gentleman still caring for his wife after all those years together. Yes, i can be a sap sometimes.

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
- Samuel Johnson

Saturday, August 06, 2005

don't make me fuck with your head

i no longer prefer american cheese slices.
not that i ever did.

i was not much of a cheese fan as a youth.
my youth was filled with non-cheeseness.
it was a glorious time.
fucking johnny appleseed would have enjoyed my youth.
though not as much as i enjoyed my youth.
because it was mine.

and i will always remember that.
from now till kingdom come.
glory be done.
on earth as it is in heaven.

give us this fucking day our daily bread.
and delivery us from evil.
or there's going to be hell to pay.

see, satan liked arithmetic. I always enjoyed a good round with Beelzebub.
He is a likeable fucker, despite the fact he's pure evil.
see, that's the problem with Satan.
you hate to love him.
but you do.
such is the way of scientific theory in 21st century France.

or aren't we in Buffalo New York?

I'll always cherish Troy Donohue.
Lucy the cat is an intimidator.
it's weird.
despite her size.
she's unlikely.
i'll tell you that sister.
brothers, fuck you.

i just turned over 15 chicken nuggets, currently roasting to a golden brown in my lovely oven.

i don't want any pate, nor am i making any, thank you.

i saw a cockroach earlier.
i suspect it came with the bag that it was near.
it was not characteristic of the locale i'm currently writing from.
dear reader.
i don't bid you farewell.
for you are not done.
with Chinese fragrances.
at least, not yet.
fuck the Americanization of the Antarctican canon that we all know and love.

nay, really i am living for the completion of the cooking of the delicious chicken nuggets i am about to ingest.
fuck contractions and everything they stand for.
not they really can stand.
they fucking never went to grand haven, that's for sure.
though i definitely remember the hills.

it's important to be an important friend to people who enjoy sinking their toes deeply into superfuckinghot sand that burns the underside of your most precious spot on your pinkie toe.
and i do mean that literally.

fcuk your american satisfaction with ponce de leon.
he fucking sucked.
and i don't mean that.
sexually, at least.

i await your transgression so i may be crucified on the steeple.
for i am i my brother's keeper.
especially when he takes me to the zoo.
which comforts my elders especially.
don't tell me i'm not racist.
i'm not racist or filled with the spirit of the sanctuary PR person.
for she is not alive, nor are people who live in shelters made of sabertooth tiger horns.
it's just not possible.
nor right.
unless you live with the Hamburgler, which is possible considering you take exceptional back medicine every other Tuesday.

fucking a, dude, you are so sure you're available, it's pathetic.
at least i have rights.

And there were so many people that day listening to the shepherds.
i had to tell the world.
or the shepherds would have slaughtered me too.

So sayeth the shepherds...
So sayeth the flock...

Monday, August 01, 2005

Bounce With Me

Follow the bouncing balls
And for more photos ... Balls!

Foul-mouthed Parrot riles peeps
I would love to meet this parrot.

Gee, this urine tastes terrific

Love your job!
The twisting eyeball is probably my favorite part.

How the hell are squirrels trained to act?
They were, hilariously, in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.

Boy, 4, Found Wandering on D.C. Highway
Impressive parenting in action.

Woman shot after already dying
Beyond weird, this is.

Generally, it's not a good idea to put gasoline in your bong
Call me old fashioned but i'll stick with water, thanks.

Whistle-Blower about flaws in routers that support the Internet Faces FBI Probe
This is crazy. Though not a surprise that the government is trying to cover it up.
More on this: Router Flaw Is a Ticking Bomb

Welcome to Bush America!
Little Leaguers told to stop speaking Spanish on field

N.D. Man Wins Annual Bad-Writing Contest
Not really something i'd be proud of.

Speaking of writing, learn how to write the Snoopy way.

How to get your story published
Be like Snoopy.

Greek Tragedy, the hot new blog
or so says the NY Times.

Now hear this: Designer hearing aids coming

It's Happy Bunny!

A guide to '80s cereals
Too bad there's no pics.

It's the cheesiest! Zoom all the way in to see what the moon is really made of.

3-Headed ant sells for $123.50, despite being dead and not actually having three heads.

Museum to let naked people in free

Filthy film fun

Downloading myths debunked

How about an iPod clock radio?
i kinda like this idea. so many songs to choose from to wake up to.

How 'bout them apples, BadApple?
BadApple is a free plug-in for iTunes which allows you to sync your music library to any MP3 player (not just an iPod).

Aww, she's in love with her iPod
and other gadgetry too!

Video mash-up of Green Day & Oasis
Wow, these songs are more similar than i would have guessed.

Great tracks, especially "Again," by Wicked Beat Sun System
Chill out, please.

Indie covers

Free mp3s from aol
who woulda thought?

New Matthew Herbert track
It's funny, very tongue-in-cheek.