And/Or i've quickly become hyper-aware of germs that are fucking everywhere, ready to take over your very soul!
Yes, even your soul, little Christian disciple. It's all part of God's plan, see?
Germs invade you. You soon die.
~Fini~
No really, hand-washing is the new black in timprattWorld -- (a fine world indeed, or at least, some of the time anyway).
All because that damn Today show got me freaked out about germs (i know, isn't it funny i watch the Today Show? i mean, that's so Amerikan of me! it's strangely not bad and informative from a general pop culture level point of view). i mean, the dude testing various public surfaces found vaginal residue on an escalator rail, which should always be enjoyed with a hearty snack.
They found fecal matter in taxicabs. E Coli was kicking it new school on somebody's desk area.
Hide that shit, for real.
i mean, shite.
yummy.
So, this week, i've suddenly gotten aware of the massive amounts of germs lurking around the workplace and tried to combat this newfound awareness by washing my hands fastidiously, tenaciously, and abundantly.
It's true.
Did you know that there are more germs on the door handle or the faucet of a public restroom than on a toilet seat?
I know, messed up.
And i don't even think i need to talk about all the crap that's in your computer keyboard.
Delicious!
So, as you can see, it's quite important to remember to grab a towel and use that for the door handle or faucet, both before and (more importantly) after you wash.
Yes, I've been influenced by a February Sweeps Month TV tactic intended to be a scare tactic.
What can i say? It's not like i'm a germ phobe, per se.
Just...there's a lot of nasty shit, figuratively and literally, out there and it's good to try and avoid the nastiness if you can.
And now i know more about it.
Information is good.
Also, when washing said hands -- the most common form of germ passage among humans is via hands -- remember to get down and dirty in your hands. In between fingers, cuticles, knuckles and palm stench.
The rule of thumb here is to sing 'happy birthday' twice, or about 30 seconds minimum, whichever comes first.
Thirty seconds doesn't sound like a very long time, but it is when you consider that, when people even DO bother to wash their hands after using the room of Rest, it's for like 5 seconds or some shit.
A quick splash of water on your hands, rub 'em together and you're outta there.
Many public faucets don't make it easy for us hand-washing obsessive compulsives, like the kind that turn off automatically within a couple seconds after you stop pushing them. I know, i know, they save lots of water, which is a good thing, but not a good thing when you need more than 5 seconds to clean up that shit.
So, I urge each and every one of you to sing Happy Birthday hella loud and proud.
but hey...maybe you can avoid getting some nasty breakout or sickness or whatever...
Or Mr. Yucky could be coming to get YOU.
I ain't trippin'.
=====
I'm the king of digressions, asides, bric-a-brac and what-have-you.
I have a lot to say. You'll have that.
My mind is always about 10 steps ahead of my hands attempting to keep up.
Things do get lost in the shuffle. And tangents, why, tangents are the magic elixir of life. Didn't you know?
Please bear with me for station identification.
=====
Rhythm is King.
=====
Don't you wish you were at the Democratic National Convention right now?
Damn.
Maybe not.
And how lame is it that the site hasn't been altered at all since the last day of the convention last July?
That picture of Kerry on the site isn't exactly new either.
=====
Bachelor Pads
The pictures certainly aren't of my personal space, but i may have had some influence on these quotes.
And to think it all started via a conversation i had with Mr. While Seated recently, about living in a space that wouldn't necessarily be hospitable to someone of the female persuasion.
You see, your mom was right: cleanliness IS a virtue.
Sorry, your mom was more right than you care to admit. It's OK.
I've only lived by myself once, in Fort Wayne,Ind. (and i loved living by my self), but i wouldn't say i was super messy. Vaguely, somewhat messy, sure.
I was surprised with myself at how well i kept the place up.
Well, except for the several tell-tale spills all over the living room carpet, the result of many a night staying up late watching TV with a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, Coca-Cola or related soda.
See, what would happen is that i would fall asleep in front of the TV regularly (the TV has ALWAYS put me to sleep -- hell, earlier this afternoon i dozed off for about 10 minutes watching the deleted scenes from Ray, a great film chronicling the life of Ray Charles. Jamie Foxx is amazing in that role).
Yeah, so when i would fall asleep, The Kitty liked to knock down the 2-liters onto the floor so they'd spill out onto the floor and then she'd sit there for god knows how long licking it up.
I know, i was a bad cat owner in my younger years. Maybe that's why The Kitty had to have her teeth cleaned and fixed a couple months back by the vet.
And hell, i paid for it dearly in the end by getting a miniscule amount of my security deposit back.
If i were a landlord, i would never have carpet. I'd rip that shit out of there.
Too much wear and tear, especially in a rental.
You can't do that shit.
Hardwood floors are the way to go, Mister.
And stuff you sorrys in a sack, mister (or should it be 'sorries', though that doesn't seem right...kinda like spelling the plural form of the the Grammy Awards the "Grammies."
No go, sorry, no.
I'm glad we worked that out.
Even if the grammatical rules clearly state that plural forms of words ending in the letter 'y' should be substituted with "ie" and an "s" at the end. It's only fair.
Mister.
or Mr. Mister.
=====
Cute Cuticles Come With A Price
i fucking hate it when you get those tiny little rips in your skin just below your cuticles on yo digits.
i got a little flicker going on on my right index finger. fucking hurts every time anything comes in contact with it but it's such a tiny little skin-tear, you need some tweazers or some shit to unspool that bitch.
And then you're likely to be ripping off extra surrounding skin in the process.
Which sucks.
All of it, you know?
i know you know. even though you knew i know because i'm knowing while you're NOW knowing.
sweet mother johnny of joseph. we got us a rattler!
I'm going back to Istanbul on the next train.
But i can only pray that the reddish skin caused by the painful tear is temporary and i can rip that excess skin off my person for good.
Let us pray...
=====
ButterFingers Still Just Whatever
Just the other day, i stumbled upon a potentially delicious new candybar snack in my favorite local snack machine area.
Twas the new variation on the classic orange-filled goodness known as the Butterfinger, but called Butterfinger Crisp, featuring wafers and butterfinger candy creme.
Now, I'm a sucker for new candy bars.
I have to try them.
It's required. Part of my life contract.
So i tried it.
Result: Mediocre at best.
It still has that brittle butterfinger vibe because you got all that fairly hard orange shit in there.
I haven't ever figured out exactly what the orang shit is.
When i was a child i recall i got a lot of Butterfingers at Halloween, and the Butterfingers were almost always in the piles of the last candy bars to eat.
It's not the type i would normally pick.
and I won't be buying the Butterfinger Crisp again.
Aren't you glad you know this now?
Oh yeah.
=====
Presidents Day So Rocks
Especially when you get a day off like i do.
yessssss.
---
[Confidential to the red states:fuck you]
.just kidding (sort of).
I'm just talking to people who ain't willing to change they minds.
hi.
=====
Environment? Who Cares?
Lead in Environment Causing Violent Crime
Why global warming is not natural
=====
Science is Real
Science Points to a 'Sixth Sense'
This is interesting and i'm a firm believer there's more going on than what we curently know.
We just haven't figured out how to use these extrasensory elements just yet.
=====
As if we don't have enough to worry about...
Mobile Phone Virus Found in United States
=====
Favorite Fonts for 2004
Fonts are wonderful.
=====
Are You A Music Nerd? Find Out.
Not like most music nerds don't already know this.
=====
One Man's Trash is Another Man's...well, you know..
=====
Currently listening to:
TroubleMan - Time Out of Mind
---
And there you go, more crap for you.
Have sex.
Please.
No comments:
Post a Comment