Tuesday, February 19, 2002

is there something wrong with gelatin?
must i be such a fine man as to prepare for war in such a dark and disturbing time? do you shave your back?

i once knew a man who had shingles on his roof.
and shingles on the roof of his mouth.
and shingles on his legs.
and other places we don't talk about with others.
this man, he was a kind man.
a gentle man, who never wanted to hurt anybody unless provoked.
yet, this lovely and relaxed man, was forced to deal with unspeakable terror and heartache.
and when you have your heart ripped out and stomped on and spat upon, there's just no getting around the pain and agony one is forced to endure.
these things take time and the only real healer is father time.
mother time is kind of a bitch and doesn't like to be bothered as she's up to her neck in activity. so father time is the man.
father time, a kindly soul, didn't take too kindly to our shingles man. and unfortunately, shingles man died soon after being confronted by father time.
see, father time reminded shingles man that he owed a lot of money to mother time and she was not down with him sucking off the teat without some kind of reward.
so father time merely presented him with the information and shingles man did what he thought was best in the face of certain desctruction.
he fell down a flight of stairs sort of on purpose, broke his right second toe, and died from eating a grape he found on the corner. the grape had been laced with ibonic desiree.
lethal when taken with broken toe medicine.
and so, shingles man no longer lives.
his shingles in ruin.
except for the ones on his leg, which are likely already rotted away and gobbled up by pesky nightcrawlers and raccoons with bowel problems.
and to think it all happened just because of magic and a stupid piece of gum.
how the devil works in mysterious ways.

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