Sex with her could have been better, until the monkey got involved...

Ok, hold it down back there!
Alright now, break it up. Settle down, now, just...settle down.
Let's all get into our seats and be quiet!
Come on, people! I don't have all day here.

Jimmy, put down that cigarette!
And Taooma, you know you're not supposed to be showing that to the boys. Now, get to your seat. And be quick about it.
Jejo, is that something you'd like to share with the rest of the class? i didn't think so.
My god, it's as if you people are mammals! Sheesh.
I am disgusted. But as God says, Thou Shalt be Saved or face the fiery depths of hades.
So fortunately, you kids are all safe.

Good. now let's open our books to page 54 and look down and fold your hands.....

Fortunately, I have no spine. Making it difficult to sit.

Before there were birds, there weren't birds.

Fast Times is always better than Slow Times. Unless of course you're enjoying Good Times.

My elephant sometimes likes to whisper things to my dad.

Enjoy your elbows while you can, for tomorrow you may stumble and force exposure upon yourself.

In case your thickening milkshake decides to splinter, wear an extra pair of galoshes today.

Basic arithmetic solves virtually every bumblebee sting that i know of in this county.

Sometimes I want to throw my butter against the wall really hard. In the store. In front of people. Clothed.

Rabbits want to beat me up. You love America.

Plaster caster faster master haster stat.

I enjoy rhythmic exercises with sound.

Nobody should be allowed to have bongos in a club. Ever. They're never good. Nobody enjoys listening to that dolt stomp on his bongos. Why, just last evening, i was forced to hear offbeat after offbeat, and thankfully I wasn't listening to Little Feat. But that's another grammar lesson.....

Fuck bongo players. In case you didn't understand what i was saying previously. If you bring bongos to a club, just know that many people there want to destroy you. And probably would if i encite a lynch mob, which I've been known to do from time to time in certain parts of this great country of ours. This land, that's made for you and me. And spaghetti growers too.

I need to play this CD now. You look at your screen and then push appropriate buttons until i return with more Zestfully clean ideas about what i think about Japan, stomach gelatins, public urination, snow squalls, and feminine itching.

until then, keep looking to the stars and reaching for the hambone.

eat yak. plenty of yak. raw.

your suckling bat,

Emerson T. Collosalman