Tuesday, November 20, 2001

actual sticker i just saw on the freeway:
White Bread Sucks

At first, I thought it was some racial thing. But it didn't seem like it. The driver didn't look angry, wasn't of color, and genuinely looked like she hated some white bread.

Sometimes I wonder if people hate white wine for the same reason. Because they don't like it.
That's a lame reason.
I mean, sure, I'm a super-picky eater. I like approximately five to seven things. Ok, maybe more like 10-15, but not many. I'm not an exotic eater. But not liking something is simply no excuse.
When people offer me raw oysters or milk of magnesia, i simply say "no thanks, I'm fasting." or "i'm sorry but it will affect my condition." Another good one is "I would, but I'm Asian." Or better yet, "I'm stuffed. I just ate an entire boiled roast. And man, am I going to stink soon!"
My mom really likes the last one.

But my point here is this: how can anyone say white bread sucks? i mean, shit. look at all the good things white bread does for you:
Fights bad breath
Provides nourishment to certain parts of our anatomy that shall remain nameless.
Looks good on a resume.
Goes well with the hamburgler or mayor mccheese.
Cajoles tiny squirrels into running across the road in front of large mammals.
Incites insane fury among the citizens of Liechtenstein.
Elevates your status among your peers.
Makes you urinate more frequently when you want to.
Can be used as a pillow.
Is often served with milk or tripe.
Fends off harbingers of Satan and Oscar the Grouch.
Resurrects hard feelings among the Russian people for Americans.
Makes "President" Bush constipated.

and that's something that I'm thankful for on this wonderful holiday.

God bless us everypun.

Your sun,

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